A Recap of a Pretty Bizarre Summer (thus far)

According to the news, only two people exist in the world; Michael Jackson and Sarah Palin. Michael Jackson died almost a month ago, and I must say I definitely felt like a part of my childhood went with him (and I'm sure the same can be said for anyone who grew up in the 1980s). Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska a couple of weeks ago and all people can talk about is what she will do next (hopefully she'll disappear in a cave in Wasilla and never be heard from again).

I haven't blogged in well over a month (bad boy), and a lot has happened that I should at least comment on, if not write an entire spiel on.

First: Iran. The revolution will not be televised according to the Iranian government, but it will be YouTubed and Twittered by daring dissenters. Tragically, Neda will be a symbol of rebellion the same way the guy who stood up to the tanks in Tiananmen Square was a symbol back in 1989.

Then... every celebrity under the ace of the earth (seemingly, anyway) dying.

First to go was Ed McMahon, but he was pretty old. Then Farrah Fawcett sadly lost her battle with cancer.

Then when I was at the DMV one sweltering Thursday afternoon getting my driver's license renewed, my finace's mom calls me and tells me that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, had a heart attack and died. I was in shock, and admittedly, I revisited the old Michael Jackson albums I listened to and loved as a little kid. Bad and Thriller were fuckin' great... never had a copy of Off the Wall as a kid and never bothered checking it out, but I guess now's a good time as any to check it out. Dangerous had a few good songs. But his music pretty much was overshadowed by the fact that he was a freak (the Reverend Al Sharpton said that he wasn't a freak, but a genius, but what he doesn't get is that the two are like peanut butter and jelly).

With that said, I feel bad for Farrah Fawcett. Not only because her death, I'm sure, was pretty agonizing, but the fact that she didn't even get a full news cycle to herself because some other celebrtiy had to die. And, of course, it had to be perhaps THE biggest celebrity ever. Not that I don't feel bad for Jacko: his life was pretty unstable. But it's getting to the level where if I hear another news story about him, or his will, or his kids, or his financial status, Imma dig him and kill him again.

Then Billy Mays dies... ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! Truth be told, his voice irritated me to no end and I oftentimes said that I would kill him (jokingly of course). I find it weird on my birthday. Not that I'm glad he's dead... but him dying on my birthday would be like if Bill O'Reilly died on Kieth Olbermann's birthday; he probably wouldn't be glad of it, but there is a speck of sick joy buried down there somewhere. And tonight, I actually saw a Billy Mays commercial... not even as a tribute, just a regular commercial. Pretty weird.

And Sarah Palin resigns as governor of Alaska. Retarded move if she wants to run for higher office cuz any opponent of hers would throw "RESIGNATION" in her face faster than a question over Sarah Palin's head. But she won't shut up! And no one in the news will shut up about her!

And, of course, politics are a mess, but I won't get into that now.

So far this has been one of the weirdest months I've experienced in my life....

The Rise and Fall of a Band Called Van Halen and Two Dutch-born Douchebags from Pasadena

Another ridiculously long title for this blog entry could also be called "How Michael Anthony Got Dissed, Not Only In Real Life, But In the Virtual World of Music-Related Video Games."

Once upon a time, there was a band called Van Halen. They started in the mid 1970s in California and were eventually discovered by Gene Simmons. They release their first album in 1978, and introduced the world to a new dynamic guitarist (Eddie Van Halen), a new dynamic frontman (David Lee Roth), the guitarist's brother who is a pretty damn good drummer (Alex Van Halen) and a bass player who may not be Geddy Lee but provided some pretty solid background vocals (Michael Anthony). They sell lots of records, they do lots of drugs, they get lots of pussy, Eddie marries Valerie Bertinelli (or Valerie Bertnernie as Peter Griffin calls her), and they make a boat load of cold hard cash. Fast forward to 1985. David Lee Roth exits the group under murky and questionable (still to this day) circumstances, but the band reconvenes with a new lead singer, Sammy Hagar. This changes the band's sound drastically, dividing many fans yet winning new ones, they still sell a lot of albums, they still get pussy and drugs... Eddie becomes a drunk... Then around 1996, the Van Halen story becomes a soap opera that still throbs like a thumb that got hit by a sledgehammer. Hagar quits/gets fired (depends on who you ask), Roth is let back in for about 5 minutes, they hire the singer from Extreme as the new lead singer, they make a bad album, the Extreme guy quits, nothing happens for about 5 years, then they reunite with Hagar, that lasts about a week or so, Eddie gets cancer, Eddie enters rehab, Sammy still kicks it solo, Michael Anthony kicks out the jams with him a few times, Van Halen reunites with Roth, tour becomes very successful, bands gets inducted into the R&R Hall of Fame, Sammy & Mike form a new supergroup with Joe Satriani and the drummer from the Chili Peppers...

Wait back up.

OK.

It's pretty much a known fact that Michael Anthony is no longer in Van Halen. He is replaced by none other than Eddie Van Halen's son, Wolfgang. So now the Van Halen saga has shifted gears. It used to be a war of words between the exiled lead singer and Eddie Van Halen, and now it's an ongoing battle between the bass player who stuck by the band for 30 years as pretty much a Yoda-esque force and Eddie Van Halen who clearly is the Darth Vader of the group. Eddie asserts that he quit, like he always does probably to cover his ass to disguise the already known fact that he's pretty much a dictator. Michael Anthony, however, says that when Van Halen reunited with Roth, he found out when the fans found out and he did not get an offer to join them on tour, and he was replaced by a fat kid with a silver spoon up his ass less than half his age. Then as tour plans are announced, it has become known that Michael Anthony has been getting the raw deal by the Van Halen brothers for about the last decade. Supposedly on that one album with the Extreme guy, he only played on 3 songs on it (which, in retrospect, isn't so bad considering that album was an abortion and a half), and Eddie didn't want Anthony to join the band on their 2004 reunion tour with Hagar; Hagar, however, refused to do the tour if Anthony was not on board, so Anthony was basically paid the same as a session musician and not as a member of a highly influential hard rock band.

And here's the real shitty part:

About a day after the band announced their reunion with David Lee Roth, their original website was updated and it showed the album covers of their six albums with Roth, two of which feature a picture of the band on their cover (their debut and 1980's Women and Children First). Turns out someoned (probably Eddie) removed Michael Anthony from those album covers and replaced his image w/ that of Wolfgang Van Halen. What a way to try to erase history; are you gonna pull an Ozzy and have Wolfgang rerecord the bass lines, asshole? Anyway, after much protest from fans, the website was redone a day later and Anthony was back on those album covers again.

Now, to further add insult to injury, Van Halen is getting their own Guitar Hero game, and reports are saying that both Anthony and Sammy Hagar are not represented in the game. There are no digitized images of the two ex-members (the same way the late Cliff Burton did not get a digitized figure on Guitar Hero: Metallica, and if I remember correctly, neither did Jason Newsted). The previews show both the modern band, and a 1984 representation of the band (with spandex pants, long hair, the whole shebang), and Wolfgang (who was but a gleam in Eddie Van Halen's drunken bloodshot eye in 1984) is in both versions of the band; another clever way to try to erase history.

Michael Anthony is not exactly the greatest bass player in the world. My friends and I back in high school (who were all pretty big VH fans) often said that he was the luckiest guy in the world next to Ringo Starr. But he was a good background vocalist, and in fact, their most recent tour had a backing track for background vocals because Eddie & Alex (and probably Wolfgang) are not known for their excellent vocal skills; in fact, Eddie's attempt at lead voals are largely maligned by the band, considering that they were on that horrible Gary Cherone-lead album. Despite his lack of musical virtuosity, Anthony has proven to be a class act through all of this. Anthony & Sammy Hagar were the only two members to show up at Van Halen's induction to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (when they weren't even in the band anymore) and Anthony had nothing but nice words to say about his ex-bandmates. He doesn't really badmouth Eddie or anyone else in interviews even if he has every right to, he toured with the band even when Eddie didn't want him to and he took a major deduction in his pay, and before he was ejected he stuck with the band through all of the drama anad bullshit.

Eddie Van Halen said that since Michael Anthony went and played some shows with Sammy Hagar, while Eddie was sitting at home with his fingers up his ass and getting wasted, he quit Van Halen. Yet in an earlier interview he said that "You can't be in two bands at once," which contradicts the whole "he quit" statement, nevermind the fact that that statement is complete bullshit. Phil Collins balanced both a solo career out while he was in Genesis, Maynard James Keenan played in Tool & A Perfect Circle at the same time, Aaron Turner plays in both Isis and Old Man Gloom, the list goes on. Michael Anthony said that he played those shows with Sammy because he didn't want to sit at home and do nothing and wait for a call from Eddie to do something. Eddie says that he has like 10 albums worth of new material, but none of it has seen the light of day, and Van Halen did like 3 tours of rehashing their old hits.

I can understand that Michael Anthony appearing with Sammy Hagar is a pretty lame career move, because, let's face it, Sammy Hagar is a pretty lame guy. His work with Van Halen contained a lot of sappy ballads (which wasn't entirely his idea). Ironically, though, the ballads were better than when Hagar tried rocking with the band. Seriously, some of his lyrics in some of the heavier Van Hagar songs make Paul Stanley's lyrics read like Paradise Lost. However, he didn't deserve what happened to him, and how people still support Van Halen and give them money, while knowing how lucid the abnd's assholeness and douchebaggery is, is beyond me. It breaks my heart because I grew up really liking Van Halen, but I have officially disowned them at this point.

On the next Sick Sad World!!!!!!

I don't agree with abortion 100% of the time... actually, now I do. I'm nothing short of a misanthrope at this time. Shit, if you're 8.75 months pregnant with a little demon, get it scraped out because... yeah.

OK, perhaps I'm being too harsh here.

But whatever side of the abortion fence you sit on, one thing must be certain; the murder of an abortion doctor, most recently the murder of George Tiller (in a CHURCH, fercryinoutloud!), is abominable. By killing a person who was very much alive, had a birthday, had a family and all that shit (Social Security number, in the books, etc.; whereas, let's face it, fetuses DON'T), whether it be an abortion doctor or a young child or an old woman crossing the street, that is a worse crime than killing a fetus and it directly contradicts the term "pro-life." Though, our last president was "pro-life" and sent thousands of men and women off to die in a bullshit war, and in turn, had a bunch of civilians killed...

Now, another Christian nutjob is coming out saying that he is praying for the death of President Obama.

Listen in to the madness:


Yeah, I know it was broadcasted on Fox News Radio, but even the guy interviewing this Pastor Wiley Drake (sounds like a fuckin cartoon character) seems to be flabbergasted and appaled by what he is saying. Supposedly, this guy has openly engaged in imprecatory prayer against the current president.

Shouldn't this guy be in jail? If Tim Robbins or Michael Moore (or someone even more left than them) came out 6 or 7 years ago and said that they hoped that George W. Bush would die, they would have been sent to Guantanamo! Shit, they might have been executed! The right would yell out treason or sedition for such an act! Now, this nutjob gets on the radio and spews out that he is praying for the death of Obama?

In all honesty, I have spewed out anti-GOP fervor for years, in LiveJournal entries, in this blog, in my high school newspaper, amongst my friends, everywhere. I think that Dubya is one of the 5 worst presidents ever, I think Palin is an idiot, I think Rush Limbaugh is a fat piece of shit. But I have never wished death upon them. I have never prayed for it (not like I believe in such deities anyway), I have never suggested that an assassin should end their lives, I have never wished it for even a second because that would be wrong. I hated every second that Bush was in office, but I never wished him dead. I wished that he would get impeached or defeated in elections, but never dead.

And that brings me to another point I haven't written about, and it's old news now, but I need to say this: I think Rush Limbaugh stating thast he hopes for Obama to fail is downright treasonous and hateful, and exemplifies fawlessly another GOP double-standard. What if someone from NPR or Janeane Garofalo said back in 2002 that they hoped that Bush would fail? Rush would have been on that mic faster than his mouth on a dozen Krispy Kremes and called for some heads on sticks! Now, Limbaugh hopes that Obama fails, and he's a fuckin hero to the few GOP loyalists they got left, and he's enjoying a resurgence in popularity!!!! I may have disliked Bush but I never wanted him to fail either. I wanted him to succeed. I don't like feeling rage and anger towards the leader of my country. I hoped that Bush would prove that he wasn't the overpriviledged fuck-up of one of the most powerful families in American politics (not like his dad was much better) and his fraudulent at best administration would produce some good out of it. But he didn't and I knew it wasn't. But I never hoped for it. I stayed up all night on 11/2/2004 hoping that John Kerry would nab Ohio's 20 electoral votes to win the election, sure, but that's different. Completely different. My point is; if your president fails, your country certainly does not benefit from it much. But that doesn't make a difference to Mr. Bouncy Man; either way he'll earn $37 million a year.

My New Political Hero: Jesse Ventura

As of today, June 1, 2009, my inactivity on this blog has drawn to a close. Why? Cuz I says so!!!!

Lately, I've been retuning in to the lovely and ever-so-volatile world of American politics: How, ever since the inauguration of Obama, the GOP has devolved into a smear-machine. How Rush Limbaugh (Mr. Bouncy-Bouncy, as Olbermann would call him) now has become nothing short of a voice and a media channel for the GOP. How right-wing attacks about Obama (besides the false claims that he's heading this country into a realm of socialism, as opposed to the fascism Bush could have very well lead us into) have degenerated to what kind of mustard he likes on his burgers. Never mind the fact that the Democrats don't entirely come out smelling like a rose either with Nancy Pelosi.

In the midst of all this political balderdash comes a voice of reason from an unlikely source: a former pro-wrestler turned one-term governor. Jesse Ventura. Up until now, I haven't followed his political career and if you had asked me on what his views were I wouldn't have been able to tell you. He's an independent, aligned with the Libertarian Party; socially liberal, fiscally conservative. He has a reputation for some rather controversial views, such as ending the embargo on Cuba, and legalizing drugs. If you were to listen to his arguments on why those events should happen, his answers are so simple it basically borders on common sense, which I respect the hell out of.

Lately, he has been making the rounds on television everywhere from Larry King Live to the View, and he is highly critical of the Bush Administration and how they authorized the use of torture. Turns out during his training as a Navy SEAL, Ventura himself was waterboarded and pretty much sets the record straight that it does create the sensation that you are drowning and you don't necessarily have an idea of whether or not you'll survive it.

Here's Venutra on Larry King Live where he expresses his views on Obama, Bush, Cheney, waterboarding. Kudos to him for not judging Obama by saying that it's too early to tell how he's doing.


Here he is on The View, and watch the blonde conservative dumbass get "pwned"


And here he is duking it out verbally w/ Sean Hannity. Pretty easy to say that Ventura schooled his ass too.


You know, I wouldn't mind if he ran for president in 2016. We need more politicans like Jesse Ventura out there; no holds-barred, sticking to his own guns without caring about what the public's perceptions of his actions may be.

I started reading his latest book, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me. I'm about halfway done. It's an excellent book so far. It bounces back and forth, focusing on his trip to Mexico (where he now lives for about half the year), his ascent in wrestling, his governorship in Minnesota, and his overall views on political issues. Really compelling and interesting personality.

I also started reading Tear Down This Myth by Will Bunch, which pretty much downplays Ronald Reagan's legacy for what it really was; he didn't singlehandedly end the Cold War, his tax cuts more than anything else helped usher in the financial mess we're in now due to greedy CEO & Wall Street assholes leeching off the middle class, and his popularity wasn't all it was cracked up to be despite winning 49 states in 1984 (due to the Democrats, in their infinite wisdom, running Walter Mondale, the VP of Jimmy Carter; smart one, guys!).

I went on two trips recently to various parts of the country, but that will be for my next post.

(Bad) Bands Reunited

Hey remember 1999? The year of Limp Bizkit, Blink 182 and Creed, 3 bands that were thankfully passe and disbanded by 2004? Well, they're back! I can't wait!

We have fake Rage Against the Machine (an apolitical one at that), fake Green Day, and fake Pearl Jam touring arenas and, most likely, filling up magnetic tape and ProTools hard drives with musical abortions throughout the year (and the real ones are still around, even if I don't really care about them anymore). My middle school years are coming back to life in a bad way (nevermind the fact that I went to a party the other night and saw people I hadn't seen since middle & high school, which actually wasn't too horrible, but still a little awkward). Excuse me while I barricade myself in my room, and turn on Reign in Blood.

Announcing their "reunion" first, I believe, was Limp Bizkit, lead by Fred Durst, a guy who gives Vanilla Ice a run for his money in terms of lameness. I have to admit, when I was 13, I liked them. I saw them open for Korn before they got famous, and I bought their first album. To this day, I like their guitarist, Wes Borland, who jumped ship in 2001 to try to create more artistic projects to better suit his talents, but I haven't checked any of them out, and I guess he needs money so he's back with them. When their second album came out, it sucked so bad I denounced my "fanhood," and watched as other bands followed in their vein of bad white-boy rap, detuned boneheaded riffs so low that I don't know what notes they're playing, and lame turntable scratches. That era of rap-rock was a pretty dark age for rock n roll, let me tell you. Since then, Fred Durst has basically become a punchline and no one gives a shit about them anymore... at least I hope (let's see how this "reunion" plays out).

I'm not a huge MADTV guy, but back in 2001 or so, they did a brilliant parody of Limp Bizkit.

For your viewing pleasure:


Next we have Blink182, who broke up like two years ago. Really, do people miss "All the Small Things" all that much? Besides being punk rock posers, their essential crime is setting off the powder keg that lead to the uprsie of emo bands. Hate Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco? Thank the success of Blink 182 (and, to a lesser extent, Green Day). My research shows that Blink182 "disbanded" in 2005. It is now 2009. A band who breaks up and "reunites" 4 years later never really broke up; they took a hiatus. Regardless of what bad blood went down, 4 years is not a long time. Some bands take 4 or 5 years between albums without breaking up. Whatever.

And last but not least, there is perhaps the #1 musical abortion to terrorize airwaves and bring new meaning to the messianic complex: Creed. A band I thought would be gone for good, and I seriously threw a party when these guys broke up. Seriously, the mere thought of never having to hear from Scott Stapp ever again gave me a huge boner, no lie. But now, they decided to earn back some of the $$$ they blew on drugs and hookers, and tour the arenas of America with their brand of uber-lame adult-contemporary-friendly rock n roll that makes a mockery of everything that even remotely rocked in the early 90s! They were the worst (and ironically, the most successful) band that imitated Pearl Jam. I could deal with Stone Temple Pilots, and I liked them a lot when I was younger, I thought the one song Candlebox did was OK, great whatever. But Scott Stapp's self-important attitude, and him seriously thinking he was Jim Morrison and that Creed was like Led Zeppelin because "Hey critics hated Led Zep too, and now look at them! 30 years later, we'll earn 5 star reviews at allmusic.com and Rolling Stone" (not far off from what he actually said). And poeple bought it! Their first 2 records went DIAMOND ferchrissakes!!!! Shows how smart the consensus of the record-buying public is. Well, hey, maybe 7 Mary 3 will get a call to be asked to open up for them!



How come whenever bands reunite, it's almost never bands people WANT to reunite? How come it's always a band like Creed or the Eagles that reunite, and never a band like the Smiths, a band most people would give their eyeteeth to see? The Smiths, Talking Heads, Pavement, the original Guns N Roses lineup all wont reunite, but Creed, Blink 182 and Limp Bizkit all decide to reunite around the same time. Goddamn it!

Whatever Happened To... (Part Two: Chris Cornell)

I don't know what's worse; continuing going on and sucking, while staying true to the sound that made you famous (a la Billy Corgan), or embarassing oneself by 'reinventing' one's sound witht he aid of a noted hip-hop procuder, and having the results be unspeakably horrible.

Take the classic case of one Chris Cornell, the former vocalist of Soundgarden and Audioslave. Have you seen him lately? Popping up in a cell phone commercial, with a song he did that sounds like it would fit more on an R. Kelly CD than on Superunknown, vowing to never reunite with Soundgarden, chilling with Timbaland...

Seriously, when i saw that commercial, I was shocked. Appalled. Bewildered. Did Chris Cornell become an R&B balladeer?


I can forgive Audioslave (or RageGarden, as I liked to call them). Save for a few songs off their first album, Audioslave was basically a failed xperiment that tried to crosspollenate the sounds of two of the 90s most influential bands (Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine, for those who aren't kepping track). Yet, for their flaws, at least Audioslave didn't completely betray their rock-influenced roots. Cornell's latest solo venture, however, only taints his name and legacy. When I see Chris Cornell now, it's like he's completely separated from the Chris Cornell of 1994. How could he do this?

I've been on a Soundgarden kick lately, particularly their last two albums. After Nirvana, they were definitely the best grunge band. Musically, they were the most proficient. The way they put together many of their songs were nothing short of extraordinary, and to this day, when I listen to Superunknown, I am just floored. After they broke up in 1997, drummer Matt Cameron joined Pearl Jam on their continuance of mediocrity that started with Yield, and guitarist Kim Thayil and bassist Ben Shepard joined other bands.

Ironically, however, Soundgarden did reunite... sort of. Sometime in March, during a Tom Morello gig in Seattle, the other 3 members of Soundgarden joined each other on stage for a few songs with the 400 pound Tad Doyle, from the lesser known grunge band Tad, on vocals. For those who know Tad's music, Tad Doyle is no Chris Cornell. The crowd was massively excited for this near-reunion, however, despite the vocals that sounded like a corss between a pig getting it's head cut off and Captain Beefheart.



I think putting Tad Doyle on vocals should send a pretty good message to Mr. Cornell; JOIN YOUR FORMER MATES AND ROCK!!!!!! Abandon treading into adult-contemporary R&B territory, strap on a guitar, and rock out! I don't call for bands to reunite very much, but Soundgarden is an exception. I think they still had lands to conquer.

Till then, Chris Cornell will go on looking like a baked potato, and disappointing fans everywhere.

Here's an old Soundgarden video.

Whatever Happened To... (Part One: Billy Corgan)

Ah, Billy Corgan, everyone's favorite bald, nasal-voiced mastermind behind one of the 90sd most influential bands, the Smashing Pumpkins. Ever since he first dissolved the Pumpkins back in 2000 (only to reform them 6 years later), he has been creating a suckfest in which he's not aware of (or in denial of), and making stereo systems everywhere blast shitstorms. Seriously, his catalogue this decade has not even remotely matched his 90s heyday, not even slightly.

Lately, though, Mr. Corgan has just been emabarassing himself. Whenever I read an article about Corgan's desperate attempts to try to stay relevant, it's like watching a train wreck, only it's kind of funny. This year alone, he's done some pretty stupid shit that makes me wonder if this is the same Corgan who wrote
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

First, drummer Jimmy Chamberlin quits the Smashing Pumpkins, basically stating that "Hey, we suck now I'm jumping ship," though of course he worded it a lot nicer than that. Then, Billy Corgan decides to pull an Axl Rose, and become the sole Smashing Pumpkin, and record albums himself. This now leaves him as the only original member of the band, as he hired a bunch of replacement members to join the Pumpkins to replace James Iha and D'Arcy, who, with very good reasons, declined Corgan's offer to rejoin the Pumpkins. If Corgan was just going to be the only permanent member of the Smashing Pumpkins, he should have just done that in 2000 when he broke up the band in the first place. Not like it would have been very good in the first place, but remember how mediocre Zwan was? Oh yeah, no one bought that record.

So, now Corgan tore a few pages out of the Axl Rose handbook. Now, he has built up the audacity to charge fans $40 to watch him in the studio working on new material. Yes, you read that correctly. “Subscribers will be able to watch the next era of Smashing Pumpkins music take shape. … Each update would be a minimum of 5 minutes in length. That would mean subscribers would receive at least 25 minutes of unique audio/video material per week, and at least 5 hours over the course of the 12 weeks,” according to the Smashing Pumpkins' website. I got my MasterCard out for this one! $40 of my hard-earned minimum wage paychecks to watch Uncle Fester wank out, trying to recycle "Zero," and "Cherub Rock!" Yeah!

And now, Billy Corgan is reportedly dating Tila Tequila. I'm not gonna touch this. I'll just show you a photo.




Maybe when he gets the herp, he'll write some good music!

And now, he's doing an 8-Mile spoken word rap of "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" to promote a wrestling commercial.

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Uh... wow. Nice way to ruin a classic song! Do you need the money and publicity that badly?!?!?!

Well, while Billy Corgan continues to make an ass out of himself, I will listen to my old Pumpkins records with an element of sadness. Though, Billy Corgan isn't the only 90s rocker to make an ass out of himself this decade. However, if bad career moves were the Nuremberg Trials, Billy Corgan would be Hermann Goring.