Whatever Happened To... (Part Two: Chris Cornell)

I don't know what's worse; continuing going on and sucking, while staying true to the sound that made you famous (a la Billy Corgan), or embarassing oneself by 'reinventing' one's sound witht he aid of a noted hip-hop procuder, and having the results be unspeakably horrible.

Take the classic case of one Chris Cornell, the former vocalist of Soundgarden and Audioslave. Have you seen him lately? Popping up in a cell phone commercial, with a song he did that sounds like it would fit more on an R. Kelly CD than on Superunknown, vowing to never reunite with Soundgarden, chilling with Timbaland...

Seriously, when i saw that commercial, I was shocked. Appalled. Bewildered. Did Chris Cornell become an R&B balladeer?


I can forgive Audioslave (or RageGarden, as I liked to call them). Save for a few songs off their first album, Audioslave was basically a failed xperiment that tried to crosspollenate the sounds of two of the 90s most influential bands (Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine, for those who aren't kepping track). Yet, for their flaws, at least Audioslave didn't completely betray their rock-influenced roots. Cornell's latest solo venture, however, only taints his name and legacy. When I see Chris Cornell now, it's like he's completely separated from the Chris Cornell of 1994. How could he do this?

I've been on a Soundgarden kick lately, particularly their last two albums. After Nirvana, they were definitely the best grunge band. Musically, they were the most proficient. The way they put together many of their songs were nothing short of extraordinary, and to this day, when I listen to Superunknown, I am just floored. After they broke up in 1997, drummer Matt Cameron joined Pearl Jam on their continuance of mediocrity that started with Yield, and guitarist Kim Thayil and bassist Ben Shepard joined other bands.

Ironically, however, Soundgarden did reunite... sort of. Sometime in March, during a Tom Morello gig in Seattle, the other 3 members of Soundgarden joined each other on stage for a few songs with the 400 pound Tad Doyle, from the lesser known grunge band Tad, on vocals. For those who know Tad's music, Tad Doyle is no Chris Cornell. The crowd was massively excited for this near-reunion, however, despite the vocals that sounded like a corss between a pig getting it's head cut off and Captain Beefheart.



I think putting Tad Doyle on vocals should send a pretty good message to Mr. Cornell; JOIN YOUR FORMER MATES AND ROCK!!!!!! Abandon treading into adult-contemporary R&B territory, strap on a guitar, and rock out! I don't call for bands to reunite very much, but Soundgarden is an exception. I think they still had lands to conquer.

Till then, Chris Cornell will go on looking like a baked potato, and disappointing fans everywhere.

Here's an old Soundgarden video.

Whatever Happened To... (Part One: Billy Corgan)

Ah, Billy Corgan, everyone's favorite bald, nasal-voiced mastermind behind one of the 90sd most influential bands, the Smashing Pumpkins. Ever since he first dissolved the Pumpkins back in 2000 (only to reform them 6 years later), he has been creating a suckfest in which he's not aware of (or in denial of), and making stereo systems everywhere blast shitstorms. Seriously, his catalogue this decade has not even remotely matched his 90s heyday, not even slightly.

Lately, though, Mr. Corgan has just been emabarassing himself. Whenever I read an article about Corgan's desperate attempts to try to stay relevant, it's like watching a train wreck, only it's kind of funny. This year alone, he's done some pretty stupid shit that makes me wonder if this is the same Corgan who wrote
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

First, drummer Jimmy Chamberlin quits the Smashing Pumpkins, basically stating that "Hey, we suck now I'm jumping ship," though of course he worded it a lot nicer than that. Then, Billy Corgan decides to pull an Axl Rose, and become the sole Smashing Pumpkin, and record albums himself. This now leaves him as the only original member of the band, as he hired a bunch of replacement members to join the Pumpkins to replace James Iha and D'Arcy, who, with very good reasons, declined Corgan's offer to rejoin the Pumpkins. If Corgan was just going to be the only permanent member of the Smashing Pumpkins, he should have just done that in 2000 when he broke up the band in the first place. Not like it would have been very good in the first place, but remember how mediocre Zwan was? Oh yeah, no one bought that record.

So, now Corgan tore a few pages out of the Axl Rose handbook. Now, he has built up the audacity to charge fans $40 to watch him in the studio working on new material. Yes, you read that correctly. “Subscribers will be able to watch the next era of Smashing Pumpkins music take shape. … Each update would be a minimum of 5 minutes in length. That would mean subscribers would receive at least 25 minutes of unique audio/video material per week, and at least 5 hours over the course of the 12 weeks,” according to the Smashing Pumpkins' website. I got my MasterCard out for this one! $40 of my hard-earned minimum wage paychecks to watch Uncle Fester wank out, trying to recycle "Zero," and "Cherub Rock!" Yeah!

And now, Billy Corgan is reportedly dating Tila Tequila. I'm not gonna touch this. I'll just show you a photo.




Maybe when he gets the herp, he'll write some good music!

And now, he's doing an 8-Mile spoken word rap of "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" to promote a wrestling commercial.

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Uh... wow. Nice way to ruin a classic song! Do you need the money and publicity that badly?!?!?!

Well, while Billy Corgan continues to make an ass out of himself, I will listen to my old Pumpkins records with an element of sadness. Though, Billy Corgan isn't the only 90s rocker to make an ass out of himself this decade. However, if bad career moves were the Nuremberg Trials, Billy Corgan would be Hermann Goring.