Year in Review: Part One

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?:
- Drove thru Manhattan, got a credit card, shit I dunno.

2. 2008’s Goals:

-Travel more (which I failed at)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?:
-my friend's brother had a kid, but he's not really close to me.

4. Did anyone close to you die?:
-No, thank goodness. Though one of my ex-coworkers died in May, which was kind of a bummer

5. What countries did you visit?:
-the U.S & A.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?:
-Less drama, more responsibility, more direction in life.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?:
-9/22/08 - the My Bloody Valentine show, 8/9/08 - my sister's play, 11/4/08 - Obama won the election, 12/6/08 - I moved back home

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:
-Not losing my shit, and developing more of a skin.

9. What was your biggest failure?:
-Not dealing with issues well, procrastinating everything.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?:
-No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?:
-muisc gear, and those My Bloody Valentine tickets.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?:
-53% of the American public

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?:
-the other 47% of the public, my parents.

14. Where did most of your money go?:
-Bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?:
-The shows I went to, Obama winning the election

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?:
- "Tell the World" by Vivian Girls, "Machine Gun" by Portishead.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i) happier or sadder?: sadder
ii) thinner or fatter?: the same
iii) richer or poorer?: poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?:
-traveling, being happy and not dwelling on the past

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?:
-Beating myself up for shit that wasn't my fault

20. How did you spend Christmas?:
-my sister's crib in Queens. No poverty baskets this year!

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?:
-I've been in love since 2004

23. How many one-night stands?:
-none

24. What were your favorite TV programs?:
-none. Well, Bill Maher & MSNBC kept me sane thru the election

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?:
-I don't hate. In fact I let go of a lot of hate I was carrying, but some people got elimintaed from my Xmas card list, that's for damn sure!

26. What was the best book you read?:
-Women by Bukowski.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?:
-Portishead, Isis, Silver Apples, Vivian Girls, Wire

28. What did you want and get?:
-Out of Southbury, and being happy with myself for who I am.

29. What did you want and not get?:
-A new job, a lot of my debt not paid off.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?:
-I didn't see too much, I'd say Stepbrothers.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?:
-I turned 23, spent it w/ my parents, went out for sushi

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?:
-Too much.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?:
-I know what I like, and I like what I know.

34. What kept you sane?:
-My girlfriend, my friends, music, writing, getting lost in video games.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?:
-Anne Hathaway.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?:
-Prop 8, Sarah Palin....but definitely the election in general.

37. Who did you miss?:
-A few people.

38. Who was the best new person you met?:
-Didn't really meet anyone new this year that I really liked. Miranda from the Newtown Starbucks lately, but I didn't keep in touch w/ her after I was let go.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
-That I'm fine the way I am, and don't let anyone affect who you are.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

-"I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me."

Xmas Sucks!

So we're coming to the end of perhaps the most depressing Christmas season in my lifetime, with the bad economy and all. I hate Christmas anyway, but this year especially. Seriously, I just wish it was January... actually flash forward to April of next year so the miserable winter will be over. And put an end to this damn recession too! Kill all the greedy bastards that helped cause it! Chuck shoes at your boss when you get laid off! That'll get the point across!

Here are the Top 5 Things I Hate About Christmas... the top 5 things that make you want to commit some Holiday Harakiri:

1. TV commercials: Celebrate the birth of Jesus by buying shit you can't afford! Max out your already maxed credit cards to buy your daughter a Hannah Montana doll you'll donate to the poor next year! I especially hate those BMW commercials, where some snooty bourgeois fuck looks out the window and sees a shiny BMW/Mercedes/Lexus SUV with a big red bow around it. Why are they even advertising? For the rich 1% that the Bush Administration didn't screw over? Most people this day in age can't even afford a junky $2500 1992 Ford Taurus in the car lot on the bad side of town, let alone a car that's $35K at the cheapest.

2. Snow: We just got our first major snowstorm yesterday here in Connecticut, Five to 8 inches of cold, white, frosty goodness draped across every street, driveway, house and car, making it fun to drive in, and even more fun to shovel and clean up! And even more fun if you're a seasonal UPS driver helper getting paid slave wages to deliver QVC packages to rich housewives who live near a country club. Ho ho fucking ho!

3. Xmas Music: I hate Xmas music. HATE IT! HATE HATE HATE! Every radio station, and every place I go to blares it, and it sounds like a cow getting castrated with a chainsaw to these ears (my next list will be Top Five Worst Xmas Songs Ever). The ones I hate the most aren't even your average "Jingle Bells," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" type crap. It's the ones that are either done over by popular artists, or when they write their own. I've worked in restauarants and retail long enough to just want to kill the motherfucker who wrote "The Little Drummer Boy." Pa-rumpumpumpump this!

4. Post-Xmas Depression/The brevity of the holiday itself (same category): People stop flooding the streets to go shopping or to travel to their Xmas destinations once Xmas is over. Even where I live now (Bridgeport, CT which has about 150,000 people) is like a ghost town on December 26th. It's depressing. Xmas is like not getting laid for 6 months, having your girlfriend tease you by wearing a short skirt and high heels promising to do you but she has a period that never ends, her finally getting off her rag, you finally getting to score, and you cum within 2 minutes of fucking her; all that excitement, and buildup for nothing. And she only lays you once a year.

5. The Shit Always Hits The Fan Before, During or Right After Xmas: Ask any family. They'll always have a great, heartwarming Xmas story about how someone lost their job right before the holiday, their parents getting in a drunken fight on Xmas, or their asshole Dad checking into rehab right after Xmas (That's me!). I don't want to rehash bad Xmas memories at the moment, but holy fucking shitballs, I've had some terrible Xmas moments that not even Bukowski or any great contemporary fiction writer can come up with.

It's only 5 days until Xmas, and I will be on an "I Hate the Holidays" tangent that will end as soon as I pack up the Xmas tree and put it back in the storage room! The sooner this holiday is over, and the sooner 2008 is over, the happier I will be. Bah Humbug!

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

I refuse to let this become a blog consisting of my whining. That's what livejournal was for, and I've gotten to really hate airing out my dirty laundry on the internet. It usually has some pretty bad repercussions. In fact, that's kind of why I'm here today; not in a terribly great position financially, my personal possessions being held for ransom, and back somewhere that's more familiar. It's a hard adjustment. A lot of tears, anger, emotions... and self-realization. Though, this was a long time coming, and I can't place blame over anything that may have acted as an outside catalyst.

Whatever 'personal' blog entries I do write in this thing are epiphanies - revelations, if you will. They're moments of clarity being expressed in writing, and my patterns of self-sabotage, anger and regression have not worked out for me. It hit me the other day that I'm 23 and one half years, and I should be a lot farther than I am. I also know that it's not too late to change anything and turn your life around, and really, I could be doing a lot worse.

So, 2008 needs to end, like seriously. Next year is the last year in a pretty shitty decade, but I can always make the 2000s right, even if it's almost over if you really think about it. And why not make the remaining 18 days of the year good?

I can't believe it's December already. Where the fuck did this year go? Well, come December 31st, good riddance! This year blew more than Bristol Palin at her homecoming dance!

So what's been up? I landed that UPS drver help job till Xmas Eve, managed to get most of my Xmas shopping done, put some money away, and work on my writing a little bit. Speaking of writing, go to http://blog.photos2view.com, because I wrote a few articles for that and working on a long term relationship with the blog's owner. I can now say that I'm a freelancer (even if I'm not making very much money doing that, but some is better than none). My girlfriend and I even went out for the first time in a while. We saw a movie (Twilight, which SUCKED, but we saw just to see what the fuss was about, and we hadn't been to a movie in a while) and went out for a cheap, but very delicious Chinese meal. Seriously, we've barely done much of anything the past few weeks.

I have to stop watching the news and reading the news. It's depressing. All this talk of recession, bailouts, layoffs, and greedy CEOs on their knees asking for bailouts while flying private jets is making me discouraged about finding another permanent job. I have my days where I'm just a complete downer, consumed by negative thoughts, and that never leads to anything good; the past few years should be an indication of that. I overthink and overanalyze things and kind of view everything like it's the apocalypse sometimes. I get panicky, anxious, irritable, pissed off, and bitter. But when it all comes down to it I shouldn't be.

Things could be a lot worse. I could be entirely jobless. I could be homeless. I could be a woman in Darfur getting raped by militiants watching her kids being macheted. McCain could have won the election, and the U.S. could have turned into a fascist state under Bush. It could be a lot worse.

This holiday season is just full of pressure. It's hard to tackle even a crappy seasonal job. Both my girlfriend and I are struggling financially, and have been rejected for many jobs. I'm worried about after Xmas when UPS lays me off. I'm worried about having to pick up extra cash by doing temp jobs w/ lowlifes (Labor Ready... I did that a few years back during a worse period). I guess it's all about how you make it. Maybe people who aren't lowlifes are seeking temp jobs as well. Actually, I know that for a fact.

So I just have to stay positive, keep trying even when I'm exhausted, and remember that I'll come out on the other side. And, most importantly, I'm not the only one suffering, and I'm capable of making things awesome for myself.

Now, if only I could stop my brain from going 8 million miles per hour...