Dirge Blog For November

Around the same time every year (late October-mid November), I just feel blah. No other words to describe it. And it could be because Daylight Savings Time ends and we lose one hour of sunlight every day.

The past week, I feel like I've been living a Joy Division song (Decade, maybe, or something less macabre but intensely dreary; Atmosphere or Dead Souls, or perhaps even Colony). I also feel like the entire Dirt album by Alice In Chains; sluggish, bleak, exhausted and trying to find a way to keep your shit together.

The past 4 or 5 days have been miserable, and rainy. The past 4 or 5 days, I haven't done much of anything but sleep. I work overnight from 2:30 to 6 delivering papers, and on a normal day, I sleep lightly. I usually wake up at 11 or 12, sometimes 1 or 2 if I'm really tired. Lately, though, I've been waking up later and later, and whenever I do set an alarm for 11:30 (because I have to look for another job and do errands I've been putting off), I can't get out of bed for the life of me. I feel like my bed is made up of Krazy Glue and I can't loosen myself from it. Today, I set my alarm for 12, and didn't get out of bed until 2. Thursday, I didn't get out of bed until 4:45 in the afternoon. And I feel like shit because of it. It's not like I really needed the sleep or anything, or enjoyed it. I've been feeling like I've accomplished next to nothing, or done next to nothing, and it's been like one long day that will never end.

To counter that, and try to make myself not depressed, I've been listening to nothing but jazz, Parliament/Funkadelic and Prince. And Patti Smith's Horses album gets me goin'. I need upbeat music. I heard Nirvana's "Something in the Way" the other day, a song I absolutely love, and felt suicidal. I think those dimwits who shot themselves after listening to Judas Priest did it on an overcast, crappy day. Bad call. If it were raining, you should have borrowed your little sister's Bangles record. It would have saved Judas Priest a trip to court!!

Seriously, though. The sun needs to come out. November sucks enough, with it getting dark at 4:30 in the afternoon, and the weather getting cold. Fuck you, November!