The End of the 2000s

Today is the last day of 2009, and the first decade of the 21st century. Ten years ago, I was 14 years old and for some reason I was very apprehensive about the new millennium, and not because of that Y2K bullshit either. I didn't build a lair underground equipped with shotguns and canned beef and bottled water or anything. I just remember I was at the store and on my way home just looking at the sunset and thinking "things are not gonna be the same after this..." It was a very real feeling that was deeper beyond the rather empty words of what I was thinking. It was sad to say goodbye to the 1990s.

The clock struck midnight ushering the year 2000, and alas the world did not blow up!!! (Though I knew that wasn't going to happen) The first day of the new millennium was just like any other. Yet I couldn't shake this feeling of nervousness towards the year 2000 and what was to come. It could have been the aspect that my teenage years were in full swing by this point, where the crap my older sister spoke of, such as problems with the opposite sex, friends, alienation, REALLY fucked with you on a more severe level than when they first crept up on you when you're a little younger. It could have been the looming events that would unfold over the next couple of years; in the year 2000, we would have a new president, a terrorist plot was being planned against our country, and while the economy was pretty good during that time, it was all a lie that would blow up in everyone's face in a matter of years (except no one really knew it at that time). Of course, I didn't think in those terms, me being 14 and relatively ignorant of current world events, but I still had intuition I guess.

Without this being an overwrought entry reviewing all the shit that happened year by year, we had to deal with a lot this decade.... not all of it bad. The major elephants in the room being 9/11, the Bush presidency, and the economic collapse around 2008. I'm not going to write what pretty much everyone else has written about those events already. I will say that my sister had overslept the morning of 9/11 and was supposed to be at the Twin Towers when they were attacked by hijacked airplanes. And every day that passes, I'm really really thankful that she wasn't killed or injured or even THERE at Ground Zero. I only wish that countless other families who did lose someone in that attack were blessed the same way I was. Or that BOTH the Clinton and the Bush administrations had paid more attention to Bin Laden's threats and had taken action to perhaps thwart the plot against the US. The lives that could have been saved that day... (and the wars that came after it, most certainly)

As a society, we have been given some very valuable lessons on how to live this past decade. Whether people choose to take them to heart is up to every individual, but nonetheless there were lessons to be learned. After 9/11, the lesson (and this is all my personal take on everything, btw) should have been caring for your fellow man, and not taking every second for granted and we could lose something very dear to us at any time. Who knew that on a beautiful sunny day such as that fateful Tuesday that the world would be changed forever? Sadly, however, a lot of people didn't share that sentiment. A new era of jingoism and xenophobia was ushered in, as well as an era of war in the same vein as that of Vietnam. Our enemy was a word (terrorism), and war on a word is never good.

Yet we lost sight of our #1 enemy, which was Osama Bin Laden, and the genius in the White House decided that Saddam Hussein was behind the attacks, even if it's a fact that he didn't, and Iraq was holding nuclear weapon, even if both Iraq and the weapons inspectors said that there were none. Our country, already divided as it was, became even more divided, and George W. Bush certainly didn't help that when he said that "you were either with us or against us." Those who opposed the war were basically told that their opposition to the war, either for reasons regarding pacifism or seeing through the bullshit they were being fed, meant that they might as well be siding with Saddam Hussein and Communism, even if the 2 didn't have anything to do with each other. Those who supported the war were seen as ignorant redneck warmongers, and I know that that wasn't 100% true either, even if having stickers that said "GOD BLESS AMERICA" or "THESE COLORS DON'T RUN" on the back of a Tahoe didn't help their case any, not that I'm taking sides.

Fast forward to the present day. We now have a new president, who ran on a campaign that was nothing short of electrifying. However, his first year of his administration was overall pretty dismal, though that's not entirely his fault either. He inherited two wars and an economy that's in the crapper, never mind a scared and paranoid public and many right-wingers vowing to stop at nothing to bring him down (even if right-wingers had been driving this nation to the ground for decades now, and left-wingers had their part in it too). For me, the jury is still out with President Obama (I have a rule of thumb; one year before I start criticizing a president... however since things are so bad and so beyond his control, I'm giving him a bit longer), but I ultimately believe that after all of this, we'll emerge as a better nation.

On a personal level, this decade was one big lesson. I learned a lot, regardless of many false starts and fuck-ups on my part, and I will take the wisdom and lessons of this decade to make the upcoming one way better than this one. Trite, yes I know, but ultimately true (see above for the feelings deeper than empty words). I've come to realize that I'm not a bad person, I'm not stupid, how much money you have is not everything (even if it helps make life easier and more enjoyable), and I have many things to conquer and many roads to travel. And if no one else likes it, then fuck them.

I'm not one for New Years' resolutions. I also don't think that bringing in a new decade will smooth everything over (the unrealistic clean slate bullshit); there's still work to be done. Yet, what better opportunity than to start off a new decade the right way?

Other Than Treatment for a Gunshot Wound, What Do Guns and Health Care Have to Do With Each Other?!?!?!?!?!

Even Alan Gottlieb says that during a political rally when the president is attending, or any politician for that matter, staging a Second Amendment protest is not the right venue. That's right, dingbats! A gun nut is saying not to do this. Him and Ronnie Reagan Jr. actually agree on something.



This is a very scary thing. I don't know about you, but this is freaky! Guns + presidents do not mix!!! Just ask Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy. And FDR, Reagan, Ford, and any other presidents who may have survived an assassination attempt. Especially now that our current president is even more of a lightning rod because of his skin color for some people (never mind the fact that I think a good number of the attacks on him come from deep-rooted and deeply disguised racism; he has been playing with an uneven deck of cards ever since he declared his candidacy for office I think, to a degree, primarily because of race).

Even so, why would someone bring a gun to a rally about health care, which is an issue that is, in my opinion, completely separated from gun rights? Obama may not support gun rights to the degree that many other Americans do, but still do people really feel the need to come to a political protest, an already volatile environment, strapped with a loaded gun? Political statement? Really?

And to answer these people's questions about Obama's belief in the Second Amendment, watch this:



But no one ever brings this up...

These are my twisted words...

Radiohead - (In Memory of) Harry Patch/These Are My Twisted Words (track review)

Radiohead seems to have taken a liking to releasing songs individually (and usually free of charge) and over the internet. The always inventive Radiohead certainly have used the internet to their advantage in the ongoing war between the recording industry and the digital world (pirated or otherwise). Their 2007 release, In Rainbows, let fans decide how much they wanted to pay for it, even if it was nothing (I myself paid $5 for it; a reasonable price in my opinion). Supposedly, they made more money off of that as far as sales go than all their previous albums, which all sold pretty well for an 'alternative' band.

Over the summer, Radiohead has put out a couple of songs for more or less nothing. The first entitled "(In Memory Of) Harry Patch" (a tribute to the last surviving World War I veteran of the same name who recently died) was sold for a mere 1 pound, with all proceeds donated to the British Legion. The other, a song entitled "These Are My Twisted Words" was leaked on August 12, but officially released by the band on the 17th free of charge. According to stereokill.net, Radiohead have been hard at work on a new album since around May, although further speculation has stated that the band may be releasing more EPs as opposed to full albums.

Regardless of what direction Radiohead takes as far as releases go, they certainly have no shortage of good material, as these two new songs indicate. I'm always waiting to hear a Radiohead song that will leave me cold or disappoint me to the point where I lose interest, but save for a couple of average tracks on Amnesiac and the more electronic songs on Hail to the Thief, their output from OK Computer on has always floored me. These two new tracks certainly are not disappointing. "Harry Patch" is layered in rich, beautiful orchestration which is funereal without being somber, and also contains a sublime vocal delivery by Thom Yorke. It's reminiscent of "Motion Picture Soundtrack," but in the case of Harry Patch, this song could be played during his biopic's ending credits (if one is ever made on him, that is). "These Are My Twisted Words" is composed primarily of a hypnotic guitar riff and Neu!-influenced drumming that creates a very trance-esque mood through its 5-and-a-half minutes.

Radiohead has done it again! Whenever they are working new material, it finds a way to leak out one way or another, whether it be by an eager fan recording a live show where they premiere a slew of new songs or the band previewing some new material. And I, being the curious and eager fan, always spend hours listening to whatever new sounds Radiohead is dabbling in. Very few bands this day in age have that affect on me, and very few bands can have the same momentum as Radiohead. Aside from a few songs that were simply OK (no pun intended) on some of their albums starting with The Bends, the band has been pretty much on a creative kick that has not soured or gone stale for almost 15 years. And they always have me craving more...

Fear and Impermeability

In my hometown of Stratford, CT, there was a small protest of universal health care; nothing like those mobs you see on the news, there were maybe 5 or 6 six protesters. Me and a couple of friends went there and basically asked questions and gave them our views on it. The protesters ranged from people who were really well informed on political issues, to older people who already hate Medicare, to a lady who looked like Ann Coulter if she took really bad care of herself (and even shared her rheotic regarding opposing viewpoints). Either way, the best thing to do when examning political issues, in my opinion, is to talk to people who share different views, respectfully debate with them if your opinions differ, and get in their heads. And I'm glad I did because most protests are marred by people screaming at each other, and leads to name calling and misunderstanding on a very grandiose level.

There were a few protesters I honestly pitied. They honestly believed in the so-called "death panels" that Sarah Palin has circulated across the media (nice way of following your own advice about making things up, half-term governor extraordinare!). They were getting up there in age (one of them was 71), and they actually had signs speaking of genocide towards sick old people due to the cost of taking care of them. They misinterpreted the "end of life" counseling. They think that doctors will be forced to talk you into death, but that's not true. Seniors will have the option to refuse end-of-life counseling, and there are a lot of things regarding end-of-life counseling, such as living wills, what course you want to take as far as treatment goes, and the inevitability that people fear (understandably) that one day a person will reach the end of the road. Obama does not want to kill your grandma! There was a man who was spearheading a campaign to get rid of Senator Chris Dodd in 2010, which to me seems kind of inappropriate since he's currently battling prostate cancer (they caught it early and he's OK, but still). Him and I talked for a while, and he was pretty nonpartisan and said that he wanted BOTH Republicans and Democrats out of office. I didn't agree with a lot of what he said, but he seemed like a good guy.

Yet there were a couple who were just jingoistic, and I avoided dialogue with. Case in point, a young man came and debated with them, and explained on how he lived in a country where socialized medicine was in effect (Russia) and how easy it was. And this lady (the Ann Coulter-esque woman I told of earlier) was like "Then why don't you go back there? I'll pay for your ticket back!" and asked if he was a Communist. By then he was ready to leave to meet up with a fiend, and as he was walking away he said "What if I am?!?!" Pretty bold move. Of course she and this other fat guy in suspenders carrying a DON"T TREAD ON ME flag were like "He's a Communist!" By then the 'protest' had died down, and I wasn't in the mood to go in the whole debate on whether or not what they knew what Communism and socialism were other than what FOX News and conservative politicians tell them. Last night at the bookstore I started to brush up again on Communism, and I'm gonna do some research on this issue because supposedly next week they'll be protesting again, and it's always good to be more informed on political issues. I can't say I've fully delved into the health care plan.

I wish I had brought my camera with me, but I just drove by it and my friends and I extemporaneously went to see what they were selling. Most of them agreed with one thing though; the current health care system needs to be reformed, and to my pleasant surprise, most of them didn't like Bush or McCain either. I only wished that they didn't buy into the right-wing fueled misconceptions that are plaguing this bill.

Another classic example of right-wing hypocrisy; I was watching Rachel Maddow last night before I went to bed, and Palin, Limbaugh and Gingrich, the unholy trifecta, are opposed to living wills as proposed in the health care bill. However, they supported them in the past and even pitched it in various advertisements and political spiels. Sarah Palin even pointed out their importance and declared 4/16/08 to be Health Care Decision Day in the Frontier State, in which she emphasized the importance of living wills, the thing she is now calling evil. Limbaugh pitched a commercial for a company that specialized in living wills (which he is now blasting like a stick of dynamite on his radio show), and Gingrich backed Palin on her 'death panel' claims, yet stated he has a living will and a power of attorney. I don't see living wills as a way to try to kill off the elderly. My dad and stepmother have one, my mom has one (and the 3 aforementioned people's average age is 56.67 years), and it's important to have dialogue about end-of-life care in case you reach a state in which you can't speak for yourself and there's no squabble over what you may have wanted as you reach the end of your life.

Fond Memories of John Hughes

John Hughes, the quintessential 80s film director and writer departed from this world courtesy of a heart attack. He wasn't too old (59), but he left behind a legacy of great films that were just good. They didn't need to be artsy, or have some deep existential meaning or full of ridiculous special effects. He could just conjure up plots of average Americans, families, teenagers, going through everyday dysfunctional bullshit, but he created his own vision on suburban America, and it worked repeatedly.

My earliest memories of John Hughes started when I was 4 or 5. My family loved Uncle Buck, starring the late John Candy (another actor who died way too soon of a heart attack) and a pre-Home Alone Maculay Culkin. Me being a young lad, I didn't get much of the subplot and the conflicts (family tragedy, teenage rebel vs parent, slacker uncle, relationships, etc.) but the movie was hilarious, and I still get a hoot out of it.



The year after that, Home Alone came out and the American moviegoing public lost its collective shit. You think the premiere of those recent Star Wars/Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter movies were mobscenes? My grandma attempted to take my sister and I to see Home Alone a week or so after it came out and tickets were sold out. I think this happened to us twice, if I remember correctly. It's the first movie I remember seeing more than once in theaters. My friend saw it 5 times in theaters.

When I was a teenager, I got more into John Hughes' angsty teenager-in-distress movies (what teeanger didn't?). I thought Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink were a bit too girly for my tastes. Weird Science was pretty cool (I still wish Kelly LeBrock would show up in my shower!). I didn't like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but that's because I have a deep-rooted hatred for Matthew Broderick, and I thought th plot was kind of silly. The Breakfast Club, on the other hand, is one of those movies I still watch when it comes on network TV regardless of how many times I see it and regardless of how silly the swears sound when they're dubbed over (i.e.: Judd Nelson's impersonation of life at home with his father). The plot is far-fetched, at least from my experiences. Saturday detentions at my school didn't allow talking, and whoever supervised them were on your ass like a tight pair of briefs (so I've heard; I never got one myself). That and I never saw a gothic misfit get transformed and made over by a cheerleader and walk off in the arms of the star of the wrestling team. Nonetheless, Hughes' vision of the film was certainly idealistic, and if teenagers of different backgrounds and social cliques were locked in a room and forced to interact with each other, who knows? Maybe high school wouldn't be such a hellish nightmare.

As a writer and director, John Hughes was not exactly Scorcese. But he didn't need to be. Many of his movies have aged well, even if some of them are dated as hell as far as imagery goes. Along with the demise of Michael Jackson, I feel like my youth has died yet again in some ways.

A Recap of a Pretty Bizarre Summer (thus far)

According to the news, only two people exist in the world; Michael Jackson and Sarah Palin. Michael Jackson died almost a month ago, and I must say I definitely felt like a part of my childhood went with him (and I'm sure the same can be said for anyone who grew up in the 1980s). Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska a couple of weeks ago and all people can talk about is what she will do next (hopefully she'll disappear in a cave in Wasilla and never be heard from again).

I haven't blogged in well over a month (bad boy), and a lot has happened that I should at least comment on, if not write an entire spiel on.

First: Iran. The revolution will not be televised according to the Iranian government, but it will be YouTubed and Twittered by daring dissenters. Tragically, Neda will be a symbol of rebellion the same way the guy who stood up to the tanks in Tiananmen Square was a symbol back in 1989.

Then... every celebrity under the ace of the earth (seemingly, anyway) dying.

First to go was Ed McMahon, but he was pretty old. Then Farrah Fawcett sadly lost her battle with cancer.

Then when I was at the DMV one sweltering Thursday afternoon getting my driver's license renewed, my finace's mom calls me and tells me that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, had a heart attack and died. I was in shock, and admittedly, I revisited the old Michael Jackson albums I listened to and loved as a little kid. Bad and Thriller were fuckin' great... never had a copy of Off the Wall as a kid and never bothered checking it out, but I guess now's a good time as any to check it out. Dangerous had a few good songs. But his music pretty much was overshadowed by the fact that he was a freak (the Reverend Al Sharpton said that he wasn't a freak, but a genius, but what he doesn't get is that the two are like peanut butter and jelly).

With that said, I feel bad for Farrah Fawcett. Not only because her death, I'm sure, was pretty agonizing, but the fact that she didn't even get a full news cycle to herself because some other celebrtiy had to die. And, of course, it had to be perhaps THE biggest celebrity ever. Not that I don't feel bad for Jacko: his life was pretty unstable. But it's getting to the level where if I hear another news story about him, or his will, or his kids, or his financial status, Imma dig him and kill him again.

Then Billy Mays dies... ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! Truth be told, his voice irritated me to no end and I oftentimes said that I would kill him (jokingly of course). I find it weird on my birthday. Not that I'm glad he's dead... but him dying on my birthday would be like if Bill O'Reilly died on Kieth Olbermann's birthday; he probably wouldn't be glad of it, but there is a speck of sick joy buried down there somewhere. And tonight, I actually saw a Billy Mays commercial... not even as a tribute, just a regular commercial. Pretty weird.

And Sarah Palin resigns as governor of Alaska. Retarded move if she wants to run for higher office cuz any opponent of hers would throw "RESIGNATION" in her face faster than a question over Sarah Palin's head. But she won't shut up! And no one in the news will shut up about her!

And, of course, politics are a mess, but I won't get into that now.

So far this has been one of the weirdest months I've experienced in my life....

The Rise and Fall of a Band Called Van Halen and Two Dutch-born Douchebags from Pasadena

Another ridiculously long title for this blog entry could also be called "How Michael Anthony Got Dissed, Not Only In Real Life, But In the Virtual World of Music-Related Video Games."

Once upon a time, there was a band called Van Halen. They started in the mid 1970s in California and were eventually discovered by Gene Simmons. They release their first album in 1978, and introduced the world to a new dynamic guitarist (Eddie Van Halen), a new dynamic frontman (David Lee Roth), the guitarist's brother who is a pretty damn good drummer (Alex Van Halen) and a bass player who may not be Geddy Lee but provided some pretty solid background vocals (Michael Anthony). They sell lots of records, they do lots of drugs, they get lots of pussy, Eddie marries Valerie Bertinelli (or Valerie Bertnernie as Peter Griffin calls her), and they make a boat load of cold hard cash. Fast forward to 1985. David Lee Roth exits the group under murky and questionable (still to this day) circumstances, but the band reconvenes with a new lead singer, Sammy Hagar. This changes the band's sound drastically, dividing many fans yet winning new ones, they still sell a lot of albums, they still get pussy and drugs... Eddie becomes a drunk... Then around 1996, the Van Halen story becomes a soap opera that still throbs like a thumb that got hit by a sledgehammer. Hagar quits/gets fired (depends on who you ask), Roth is let back in for about 5 minutes, they hire the singer from Extreme as the new lead singer, they make a bad album, the Extreme guy quits, nothing happens for about 5 years, then they reunite with Hagar, that lasts about a week or so, Eddie gets cancer, Eddie enters rehab, Sammy still kicks it solo, Michael Anthony kicks out the jams with him a few times, Van Halen reunites with Roth, tour becomes very successful, bands gets inducted into the R&R Hall of Fame, Sammy & Mike form a new supergroup with Joe Satriani and the drummer from the Chili Peppers...

Wait back up.

OK.

It's pretty much a known fact that Michael Anthony is no longer in Van Halen. He is replaced by none other than Eddie Van Halen's son, Wolfgang. So now the Van Halen saga has shifted gears. It used to be a war of words between the exiled lead singer and Eddie Van Halen, and now it's an ongoing battle between the bass player who stuck by the band for 30 years as pretty much a Yoda-esque force and Eddie Van Halen who clearly is the Darth Vader of the group. Eddie asserts that he quit, like he always does probably to cover his ass to disguise the already known fact that he's pretty much a dictator. Michael Anthony, however, says that when Van Halen reunited with Roth, he found out when the fans found out and he did not get an offer to join them on tour, and he was replaced by a fat kid with a silver spoon up his ass less than half his age. Then as tour plans are announced, it has become known that Michael Anthony has been getting the raw deal by the Van Halen brothers for about the last decade. Supposedly on that one album with the Extreme guy, he only played on 3 songs on it (which, in retrospect, isn't so bad considering that album was an abortion and a half), and Eddie didn't want Anthony to join the band on their 2004 reunion tour with Hagar; Hagar, however, refused to do the tour if Anthony was not on board, so Anthony was basically paid the same as a session musician and not as a member of a highly influential hard rock band.

And here's the real shitty part:

About a day after the band announced their reunion with David Lee Roth, their original website was updated and it showed the album covers of their six albums with Roth, two of which feature a picture of the band on their cover (their debut and 1980's Women and Children First). Turns out someoned (probably Eddie) removed Michael Anthony from those album covers and replaced his image w/ that of Wolfgang Van Halen. What a way to try to erase history; are you gonna pull an Ozzy and have Wolfgang rerecord the bass lines, asshole? Anyway, after much protest from fans, the website was redone a day later and Anthony was back on those album covers again.

Now, to further add insult to injury, Van Halen is getting their own Guitar Hero game, and reports are saying that both Anthony and Sammy Hagar are not represented in the game. There are no digitized images of the two ex-members (the same way the late Cliff Burton did not get a digitized figure on Guitar Hero: Metallica, and if I remember correctly, neither did Jason Newsted). The previews show both the modern band, and a 1984 representation of the band (with spandex pants, long hair, the whole shebang), and Wolfgang (who was but a gleam in Eddie Van Halen's drunken bloodshot eye in 1984) is in both versions of the band; another clever way to try to erase history.

Michael Anthony is not exactly the greatest bass player in the world. My friends and I back in high school (who were all pretty big VH fans) often said that he was the luckiest guy in the world next to Ringo Starr. But he was a good background vocalist, and in fact, their most recent tour had a backing track for background vocals because Eddie & Alex (and probably Wolfgang) are not known for their excellent vocal skills; in fact, Eddie's attempt at lead voals are largely maligned by the band, considering that they were on that horrible Gary Cherone-lead album. Despite his lack of musical virtuosity, Anthony has proven to be a class act through all of this. Anthony & Sammy Hagar were the only two members to show up at Van Halen's induction to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (when they weren't even in the band anymore) and Anthony had nothing but nice words to say about his ex-bandmates. He doesn't really badmouth Eddie or anyone else in interviews even if he has every right to, he toured with the band even when Eddie didn't want him to and he took a major deduction in his pay, and before he was ejected he stuck with the band through all of the drama anad bullshit.

Eddie Van Halen said that since Michael Anthony went and played some shows with Sammy Hagar, while Eddie was sitting at home with his fingers up his ass and getting wasted, he quit Van Halen. Yet in an earlier interview he said that "You can't be in two bands at once," which contradicts the whole "he quit" statement, nevermind the fact that that statement is complete bullshit. Phil Collins balanced both a solo career out while he was in Genesis, Maynard James Keenan played in Tool & A Perfect Circle at the same time, Aaron Turner plays in both Isis and Old Man Gloom, the list goes on. Michael Anthony said that he played those shows with Sammy because he didn't want to sit at home and do nothing and wait for a call from Eddie to do something. Eddie says that he has like 10 albums worth of new material, but none of it has seen the light of day, and Van Halen did like 3 tours of rehashing their old hits.

I can understand that Michael Anthony appearing with Sammy Hagar is a pretty lame career move, because, let's face it, Sammy Hagar is a pretty lame guy. His work with Van Halen contained a lot of sappy ballads (which wasn't entirely his idea). Ironically, though, the ballads were better than when Hagar tried rocking with the band. Seriously, some of his lyrics in some of the heavier Van Hagar songs make Paul Stanley's lyrics read like Paradise Lost. However, he didn't deserve what happened to him, and how people still support Van Halen and give them money, while knowing how lucid the abnd's assholeness and douchebaggery is, is beyond me. It breaks my heart because I grew up really liking Van Halen, but I have officially disowned them at this point.

On the next Sick Sad World!!!!!!

I don't agree with abortion 100% of the time... actually, now I do. I'm nothing short of a misanthrope at this time. Shit, if you're 8.75 months pregnant with a little demon, get it scraped out because... yeah.

OK, perhaps I'm being too harsh here.

But whatever side of the abortion fence you sit on, one thing must be certain; the murder of an abortion doctor, most recently the murder of George Tiller (in a CHURCH, fercryinoutloud!), is abominable. By killing a person who was very much alive, had a birthday, had a family and all that shit (Social Security number, in the books, etc.; whereas, let's face it, fetuses DON'T), whether it be an abortion doctor or a young child or an old woman crossing the street, that is a worse crime than killing a fetus and it directly contradicts the term "pro-life." Though, our last president was "pro-life" and sent thousands of men and women off to die in a bullshit war, and in turn, had a bunch of civilians killed...

Now, another Christian nutjob is coming out saying that he is praying for the death of President Obama.

Listen in to the madness:


Yeah, I know it was broadcasted on Fox News Radio, but even the guy interviewing this Pastor Wiley Drake (sounds like a fuckin cartoon character) seems to be flabbergasted and appaled by what he is saying. Supposedly, this guy has openly engaged in imprecatory prayer against the current president.

Shouldn't this guy be in jail? If Tim Robbins or Michael Moore (or someone even more left than them) came out 6 or 7 years ago and said that they hoped that George W. Bush would die, they would have been sent to Guantanamo! Shit, they might have been executed! The right would yell out treason or sedition for such an act! Now, this nutjob gets on the radio and spews out that he is praying for the death of Obama?

In all honesty, I have spewed out anti-GOP fervor for years, in LiveJournal entries, in this blog, in my high school newspaper, amongst my friends, everywhere. I think that Dubya is one of the 5 worst presidents ever, I think Palin is an idiot, I think Rush Limbaugh is a fat piece of shit. But I have never wished death upon them. I have never prayed for it (not like I believe in such deities anyway), I have never suggested that an assassin should end their lives, I have never wished it for even a second because that would be wrong. I hated every second that Bush was in office, but I never wished him dead. I wished that he would get impeached or defeated in elections, but never dead.

And that brings me to another point I haven't written about, and it's old news now, but I need to say this: I think Rush Limbaugh stating thast he hopes for Obama to fail is downright treasonous and hateful, and exemplifies fawlessly another GOP double-standard. What if someone from NPR or Janeane Garofalo said back in 2002 that they hoped that Bush would fail? Rush would have been on that mic faster than his mouth on a dozen Krispy Kremes and called for some heads on sticks! Now, Limbaugh hopes that Obama fails, and he's a fuckin hero to the few GOP loyalists they got left, and he's enjoying a resurgence in popularity!!!! I may have disliked Bush but I never wanted him to fail either. I wanted him to succeed. I don't like feeling rage and anger towards the leader of my country. I hoped that Bush would prove that he wasn't the overpriviledged fuck-up of one of the most powerful families in American politics (not like his dad was much better) and his fraudulent at best administration would produce some good out of it. But he didn't and I knew it wasn't. But I never hoped for it. I stayed up all night on 11/2/2004 hoping that John Kerry would nab Ohio's 20 electoral votes to win the election, sure, but that's different. Completely different. My point is; if your president fails, your country certainly does not benefit from it much. But that doesn't make a difference to Mr. Bouncy Man; either way he'll earn $37 million a year.

My New Political Hero: Jesse Ventura

As of today, June 1, 2009, my inactivity on this blog has drawn to a close. Why? Cuz I says so!!!!

Lately, I've been retuning in to the lovely and ever-so-volatile world of American politics: How, ever since the inauguration of Obama, the GOP has devolved into a smear-machine. How Rush Limbaugh (Mr. Bouncy-Bouncy, as Olbermann would call him) now has become nothing short of a voice and a media channel for the GOP. How right-wing attacks about Obama (besides the false claims that he's heading this country into a realm of socialism, as opposed to the fascism Bush could have very well lead us into) have degenerated to what kind of mustard he likes on his burgers. Never mind the fact that the Democrats don't entirely come out smelling like a rose either with Nancy Pelosi.

In the midst of all this political balderdash comes a voice of reason from an unlikely source: a former pro-wrestler turned one-term governor. Jesse Ventura. Up until now, I haven't followed his political career and if you had asked me on what his views were I wouldn't have been able to tell you. He's an independent, aligned with the Libertarian Party; socially liberal, fiscally conservative. He has a reputation for some rather controversial views, such as ending the embargo on Cuba, and legalizing drugs. If you were to listen to his arguments on why those events should happen, his answers are so simple it basically borders on common sense, which I respect the hell out of.

Lately, he has been making the rounds on television everywhere from Larry King Live to the View, and he is highly critical of the Bush Administration and how they authorized the use of torture. Turns out during his training as a Navy SEAL, Ventura himself was waterboarded and pretty much sets the record straight that it does create the sensation that you are drowning and you don't necessarily have an idea of whether or not you'll survive it.

Here's Venutra on Larry King Live where he expresses his views on Obama, Bush, Cheney, waterboarding. Kudos to him for not judging Obama by saying that it's too early to tell how he's doing.


Here he is on The View, and watch the blonde conservative dumbass get "pwned"


And here he is duking it out verbally w/ Sean Hannity. Pretty easy to say that Ventura schooled his ass too.


You know, I wouldn't mind if he ran for president in 2016. We need more politicans like Jesse Ventura out there; no holds-barred, sticking to his own guns without caring about what the public's perceptions of his actions may be.

I started reading his latest book, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me. I'm about halfway done. It's an excellent book so far. It bounces back and forth, focusing on his trip to Mexico (where he now lives for about half the year), his ascent in wrestling, his governorship in Minnesota, and his overall views on political issues. Really compelling and interesting personality.

I also started reading Tear Down This Myth by Will Bunch, which pretty much downplays Ronald Reagan's legacy for what it really was; he didn't singlehandedly end the Cold War, his tax cuts more than anything else helped usher in the financial mess we're in now due to greedy CEO & Wall Street assholes leeching off the middle class, and his popularity wasn't all it was cracked up to be despite winning 49 states in 1984 (due to the Democrats, in their infinite wisdom, running Walter Mondale, the VP of Jimmy Carter; smart one, guys!).

I went on two trips recently to various parts of the country, but that will be for my next post.

(Bad) Bands Reunited

Hey remember 1999? The year of Limp Bizkit, Blink 182 and Creed, 3 bands that were thankfully passe and disbanded by 2004? Well, they're back! I can't wait!

We have fake Rage Against the Machine (an apolitical one at that), fake Green Day, and fake Pearl Jam touring arenas and, most likely, filling up magnetic tape and ProTools hard drives with musical abortions throughout the year (and the real ones are still around, even if I don't really care about them anymore). My middle school years are coming back to life in a bad way (nevermind the fact that I went to a party the other night and saw people I hadn't seen since middle & high school, which actually wasn't too horrible, but still a little awkward). Excuse me while I barricade myself in my room, and turn on Reign in Blood.

Announcing their "reunion" first, I believe, was Limp Bizkit, lead by Fred Durst, a guy who gives Vanilla Ice a run for his money in terms of lameness. I have to admit, when I was 13, I liked them. I saw them open for Korn before they got famous, and I bought their first album. To this day, I like their guitarist, Wes Borland, who jumped ship in 2001 to try to create more artistic projects to better suit his talents, but I haven't checked any of them out, and I guess he needs money so he's back with them. When their second album came out, it sucked so bad I denounced my "fanhood," and watched as other bands followed in their vein of bad white-boy rap, detuned boneheaded riffs so low that I don't know what notes they're playing, and lame turntable scratches. That era of rap-rock was a pretty dark age for rock n roll, let me tell you. Since then, Fred Durst has basically become a punchline and no one gives a shit about them anymore... at least I hope (let's see how this "reunion" plays out).

I'm not a huge MADTV guy, but back in 2001 or so, they did a brilliant parody of Limp Bizkit.

For your viewing pleasure:


Next we have Blink182, who broke up like two years ago. Really, do people miss "All the Small Things" all that much? Besides being punk rock posers, their essential crime is setting off the powder keg that lead to the uprsie of emo bands. Hate Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco? Thank the success of Blink 182 (and, to a lesser extent, Green Day). My research shows that Blink182 "disbanded" in 2005. It is now 2009. A band who breaks up and "reunites" 4 years later never really broke up; they took a hiatus. Regardless of what bad blood went down, 4 years is not a long time. Some bands take 4 or 5 years between albums without breaking up. Whatever.

And last but not least, there is perhaps the #1 musical abortion to terrorize airwaves and bring new meaning to the messianic complex: Creed. A band I thought would be gone for good, and I seriously threw a party when these guys broke up. Seriously, the mere thought of never having to hear from Scott Stapp ever again gave me a huge boner, no lie. But now, they decided to earn back some of the $$$ they blew on drugs and hookers, and tour the arenas of America with their brand of uber-lame adult-contemporary-friendly rock n roll that makes a mockery of everything that even remotely rocked in the early 90s! They were the worst (and ironically, the most successful) band that imitated Pearl Jam. I could deal with Stone Temple Pilots, and I liked them a lot when I was younger, I thought the one song Candlebox did was OK, great whatever. But Scott Stapp's self-important attitude, and him seriously thinking he was Jim Morrison and that Creed was like Led Zeppelin because "Hey critics hated Led Zep too, and now look at them! 30 years later, we'll earn 5 star reviews at allmusic.com and Rolling Stone" (not far off from what he actually said). And poeple bought it! Their first 2 records went DIAMOND ferchrissakes!!!! Shows how smart the consensus of the record-buying public is. Well, hey, maybe 7 Mary 3 will get a call to be asked to open up for them!



How come whenever bands reunite, it's almost never bands people WANT to reunite? How come it's always a band like Creed or the Eagles that reunite, and never a band like the Smiths, a band most people would give their eyeteeth to see? The Smiths, Talking Heads, Pavement, the original Guns N Roses lineup all wont reunite, but Creed, Blink 182 and Limp Bizkit all decide to reunite around the same time. Goddamn it!

Whatever Happened To... (Part Two: Chris Cornell)

I don't know what's worse; continuing going on and sucking, while staying true to the sound that made you famous (a la Billy Corgan), or embarassing oneself by 'reinventing' one's sound witht he aid of a noted hip-hop procuder, and having the results be unspeakably horrible.

Take the classic case of one Chris Cornell, the former vocalist of Soundgarden and Audioslave. Have you seen him lately? Popping up in a cell phone commercial, with a song he did that sounds like it would fit more on an R. Kelly CD than on Superunknown, vowing to never reunite with Soundgarden, chilling with Timbaland...

Seriously, when i saw that commercial, I was shocked. Appalled. Bewildered. Did Chris Cornell become an R&B balladeer?


I can forgive Audioslave (or RageGarden, as I liked to call them). Save for a few songs off their first album, Audioslave was basically a failed xperiment that tried to crosspollenate the sounds of two of the 90s most influential bands (Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine, for those who aren't kepping track). Yet, for their flaws, at least Audioslave didn't completely betray their rock-influenced roots. Cornell's latest solo venture, however, only taints his name and legacy. When I see Chris Cornell now, it's like he's completely separated from the Chris Cornell of 1994. How could he do this?

I've been on a Soundgarden kick lately, particularly their last two albums. After Nirvana, they were definitely the best grunge band. Musically, they were the most proficient. The way they put together many of their songs were nothing short of extraordinary, and to this day, when I listen to Superunknown, I am just floored. After they broke up in 1997, drummer Matt Cameron joined Pearl Jam on their continuance of mediocrity that started with Yield, and guitarist Kim Thayil and bassist Ben Shepard joined other bands.

Ironically, however, Soundgarden did reunite... sort of. Sometime in March, during a Tom Morello gig in Seattle, the other 3 members of Soundgarden joined each other on stage for a few songs with the 400 pound Tad Doyle, from the lesser known grunge band Tad, on vocals. For those who know Tad's music, Tad Doyle is no Chris Cornell. The crowd was massively excited for this near-reunion, however, despite the vocals that sounded like a corss between a pig getting it's head cut off and Captain Beefheart.



I think putting Tad Doyle on vocals should send a pretty good message to Mr. Cornell; JOIN YOUR FORMER MATES AND ROCK!!!!!! Abandon treading into adult-contemporary R&B territory, strap on a guitar, and rock out! I don't call for bands to reunite very much, but Soundgarden is an exception. I think they still had lands to conquer.

Till then, Chris Cornell will go on looking like a baked potato, and disappointing fans everywhere.

Here's an old Soundgarden video.

Whatever Happened To... (Part One: Billy Corgan)

Ah, Billy Corgan, everyone's favorite bald, nasal-voiced mastermind behind one of the 90sd most influential bands, the Smashing Pumpkins. Ever since he first dissolved the Pumpkins back in 2000 (only to reform them 6 years later), he has been creating a suckfest in which he's not aware of (or in denial of), and making stereo systems everywhere blast shitstorms. Seriously, his catalogue this decade has not even remotely matched his 90s heyday, not even slightly.

Lately, though, Mr. Corgan has just been emabarassing himself. Whenever I read an article about Corgan's desperate attempts to try to stay relevant, it's like watching a train wreck, only it's kind of funny. This year alone, he's done some pretty stupid shit that makes me wonder if this is the same Corgan who wrote
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

First, drummer Jimmy Chamberlin quits the Smashing Pumpkins, basically stating that "Hey, we suck now I'm jumping ship," though of course he worded it a lot nicer than that. Then, Billy Corgan decides to pull an Axl Rose, and become the sole Smashing Pumpkin, and record albums himself. This now leaves him as the only original member of the band, as he hired a bunch of replacement members to join the Pumpkins to replace James Iha and D'Arcy, who, with very good reasons, declined Corgan's offer to rejoin the Pumpkins. If Corgan was just going to be the only permanent member of the Smashing Pumpkins, he should have just done that in 2000 when he broke up the band in the first place. Not like it would have been very good in the first place, but remember how mediocre Zwan was? Oh yeah, no one bought that record.

So, now Corgan tore a few pages out of the Axl Rose handbook. Now, he has built up the audacity to charge fans $40 to watch him in the studio working on new material. Yes, you read that correctly. “Subscribers will be able to watch the next era of Smashing Pumpkins music take shape. … Each update would be a minimum of 5 minutes in length. That would mean subscribers would receive at least 25 minutes of unique audio/video material per week, and at least 5 hours over the course of the 12 weeks,” according to the Smashing Pumpkins' website. I got my MasterCard out for this one! $40 of my hard-earned minimum wage paychecks to watch Uncle Fester wank out, trying to recycle "Zero," and "Cherub Rock!" Yeah!

And now, Billy Corgan is reportedly dating Tila Tequila. I'm not gonna touch this. I'll just show you a photo.




Maybe when he gets the herp, he'll write some good music!

And now, he's doing an 8-Mile spoken word rap of "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" to promote a wrestling commercial.

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Uh... wow. Nice way to ruin a classic song! Do you need the money and publicity that badly?!?!?!

Well, while Billy Corgan continues to make an ass out of himself, I will listen to my old Pumpkins records with an element of sadness. Though, Billy Corgan isn't the only 90s rocker to make an ass out of himself this decade. However, if bad career moves were the Nuremberg Trials, Billy Corgan would be Hermann Goring.

The Roast of Larry The Cable Guy

Tonight, Comedy Central is hosting the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy. Normally, I enjoy the roasts they do on Comedy Central; the Bob Saget Roast had me in stitches, as well as the one on Flavor Flav a couple of years back. However, I'm sitting this one out. First off, Larry the Cable Guy hasn't been around long enough to DESERVE a roast (nor has he done really much of anything except entertain rednecks), and I simply just don't like him. I also see a roast of him as a bit superfluous, if I must say so myself. I can roast him, and sum up a 2 hour special in a matter of minutes.

To Larry the Cable Guy:

You are not funny.
Your accent is not even real.
Your sleeveless flannels (along with Crocs) are an example of a complete disregard for good fashion. (Jeez, I sound like a chick)
Your catchphrases are stupid. WHAT THE FUCK DOES GIT-R-DONE MEAN?!?!?!?! What is the "R" in "Git-R-Done?" What "R" you "Gitting Done?"
You sound like the only book you ever read (besides the Bible) was "Cat in the Hat."
You're definitely the least funny out of all of those Blue Collar Comedy people.
Your movies are terrible. Stop making them.
You really should just be a cable guy instead of a comedian.

There. I just roasted Larry the Cable Guy. And I didn't even need Lisa Lampinelli or Greg Giraldo to help me out.

Out of Hiding

Hey, I'm still alive. Just figured I would write... just to write.

School's in full swing. I'm a little rusty on working w/ my school & work schedule and getting my shit together. It's complicated, but it's at the point where it's do or die because I've been in school for almost a month, and it's getting serious. I should be OK though. After this, I have to read for my British Literature class. Fun fun. Like lyrics out of an Iron Maiden song.

So I haven't been up to anything too great. Actually, I take that back. I've been working on music. My band (now called Clark and the Kents) made a Myspace page and put some rough demos up. And I mean ROUGH demos. Like "we're poor, can't afford a studio or a 4-track" demos we recorded on an old tape recorder. They sound like crap (or they sound great if you like some of the early Mountain Goats stuff or Daniel Johnston or Half Japanese), but I think it's a good start. Go to www.myspace.com/clarkandthekents if you wanna hear it (yes I am advertising myself on my blog).

Valentine's Day. The Hallmark Holiday. Amelia and I got invited to a show in NYC at this place called the Cakeshop. Pretty much a hipster cafe with a venue in the basement where the up-and-coming indie bands make their start, possibly upgrading to a show opening up for Caribou at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. And a lot of them are pretty good. So my friends paid, and went into the venue, and I had to take a leak. After I got out of the bathroom, they came back up and told me that the place was pakced, and the closest they could get to the stage was the entryway into the damn place, so they decided that they weren't gonna spend the next 3 hours sandwiched in between obnoxious, condescending hipsters listening to bands that might suck. My friend wanted to see the Screaming Females, and there were 2 opening bands. So I didn't know anything about these bands (I haven't been trying to keep up). All I know if it was that bad as far as space was concerned, like if there were a fire there would be a stampede to get out with few survivors, I wouldn't have wanted to stay either. So, we drove into Manhattan on a Saturday nught (Valentine's Day, nonetheless), and we don't want to leave without doing something. So what do we do? Get a slice of pizza, and revel about how much hipsters make us feel like losers. Then drove home. I texted my sister to see what she was up to, but she was already ready to retire for the night. But it was fun, though. It was 100 times better than spending a Saturday night in CT probably doing nothing.

I have to say I feel less depressed than I did a week ago. I was feeling kind of depressed because I'm 23, still at home, and I haven't moved to any big city, like New York, Boston, Portland, whatever. But last night, I was in a room full of these pretentious know-it-all hipsters who base their friendships and conversations about the latest bands Pitchfork Media advertises and about what albums they chain smoke to in their lofts at 3 in the morning. And most of them probably have parents who pay for their lifestyles. And I realize that as much as I like talking about music with people, or as much passion as I feel for music, I realize that basing friendships around it is pretty stupid, and with these people, if you're not dressed like them or up to date on EVERYTHING hip or whatever, then you might as well be shopping at the Virgin megastore wearing a Nickelback shirt. It's elitism. I tried being friends with people like that and ended up being rejected as much as I did by the 5th grade boys who wore Boss jeans and listened to "No Diggity." I realized that if I did move to Brooklyn or whatever, and tried making friends, I'd probably end up feeling more depressed and lonely than I would here at home. This won't stop me from travelling and going to shows, though.

Here's a stand-up act by Louis C.K., who describes hipsters to a T (for the first minute or so):



"And they say cool things like 'Yeah me too,' or whatever."

So that's been my sad life lately. Now, it's time to do actual work. Yay.

Winter Writing Doldrums

I haven't written shit lately, probably due to a lack of motivation. Winter does that to you. I apologize.

We Can Finally Move Forward Now...

By far one of the happiest moments of my life as a news consumer was watching Dubya take off in that helicopter and leaving the parameters of our nation's capital for seemingly the last time as a man in power. The presidency was officially bequeathed this morning by Barack Obama, and I already feel the change occuring.

In the streets of D.C., Harlem, and places outside the nation's borders, people were jubilant in the rise of the nation's first black president, many, whom 45 years earlier, couldn't even drink from the same water fountain as a white person, let alone achieve the presidency. Many people from that generation never thought that they would see a day like today, and that same sentiment carried over to my generation, a generation raised on hip-hop, Nintendo, and the internet.

As revolutionary as this day is (as it should, for this is a remarkable achievement for any African-American), it is easy to forget how qualified Barack Obama is to lead this nation, and how great of an example he is, an example that will resonate with people from all backgrounds. He was raised by a single white mother who lived off food stamps, and worked his way on up to attend the finest universities (Columbia & Harvard), and even after being offered jobs in prestigious law firms, went back to the South Side of Chicago to give back to his community. His life story is a refreshing change in light of our most recent ex-president, who had a silver spoon jammed up so far up his ass he tasted nothing but metal.

We, as a nation, have endured 8 years of greed, dishonesty, and a severe lack of integrity. And now, we are paying for it, even if most of us did not cause it. We are in the middle of two wars, one of them we shouldn't even be in, many of us don't have jobs, our economy sucks, and our reputation as a country has been tarnished in the eyes of our one-time allies (and yes, having allies is important; you don't think we won all those wars singlehandedly did we?). President Obama has walked into the worst situation for any incoming president since FDR, and the man has a lot on his plate. He is not in an enviable position. Bush certainly created many shitstorms and an overwhelming amount of debris as a consequence. Even opponents and non-supporters should wish him luck.

To the outgoing President,

Fuck you. You have helped turn this country from a functioning one to a country badly in need of repair. You let corruption, greed, and lies fly under your nose with a sense of nonchalance towards those who may be affected by it in a way that borders on evil. You have mislead the American people by leading us into a war that served the interests of your criminal oil friends in the name of fear. You have turned Americans against each other, by calling out dissenters and providing a "with us or against us" mentality. Your ridiculous faith-driven beliefs set science back at least 10 years, and your abstinence only approach towards sex ed only lead to more teen pregnancies than ever. Only towards the very end of your joke of an administration did you show any thought to the people you have done wrong, or show any remorse, or any indication that you may have been wrong in many instances. Sure, you could say that "tough decisions had to be made" until judgment day, but some of your decisions defied just "tough times calling for touch measures," considering that things didn't get horrible until recently.

So, enjoy your life in Texas and do us a favor, and keep a low profile. The world has had enough of you & your kind.

With shame and emabrassment,

Kyle

To President Obama,

To reiterate that memo I had written to you right after Election Day, please don't fuck up.

Officially calling for the arson of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Museum...

Ever since I became aware enough to realize its irrelevance, I have had a serious beef with the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Its backdoor politics, elitism, and limitations on who gets in is bullshit. It's a sham. It's based on the opinions and views of like 10 people who claim to "know" music. Assholes like Jann Wenner & David Wild. I keep hoping that they'll get their shit together and stop adding crap among their ranks, much like how a person who has a loved one in a vegetative state hopes that they wake up one day. Year after year, however, I keep getting enraged. I think I'm a sadist, because I shouldn't care, and yet I do.

Once again, The Stooges have been denied entry into the (C)Rock Hall, despite being eligible for the past 15 years, this news coming about a week after the death of guitarist Ron Asheton. Instead, make way for Metallica, Run DMC, Jeff Beck, Little Anthony and the Imperials, and Bobby Womack. Couldn't fit one more inductee in there, ay guys? Why just five inductees a year now? Oh yeah, VH1 has to make more room for relaity shows based on washed-up celebrities, and people who were on other VH1 reality shows who are looking for an extra 5 minutes of fame. This is a fucking disgrace.

Looking at this year's nominees; first we have Metallica. Heavy metal gods, sure. I'd have no problem with them being here if they had put out a decent album since 1988, and if they didn't sue their fans when they downloaded "I Disappear" off of Napster. Run DMC I like, but they're not really "rock & roll" are they? Yet again, this is the same institution that inducted Madonna last year, and Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five back in '07. I guess you could call Run DMC an influence on rock & roll for their collaboration with Aerosmith on "Walk This Way." This move reignited Aerosmith's stagnant career, and was considered by many to be the genesis of "rap rock." Just for that, however, Run DMC should be disqualified. Maybe not; how could they foresee Limp Bizkit? That and I do like Rage Against the Machine. Jeff Beck's already in with the Yardbirds, but I guess his solo career had to be represented there too. The other two nominees should have been inducted years ago.

The (C)Rock hall inducted the Ramones, the Clash, and the Sex Pistols (who refused to attend the ceremony, denouncing the hall as a "piss stain"; their attitude has never left them, thankfully). But not inducting the Stooges is a mortal sin in the world of punk (or anything considered "alternative"). Iggy Pop's antics set the stage for all the Sid Viciouses and Will Shatters of the world (and he managed to survive), Ron Asheton's riffs set the stage for all the Johnny Ramones and Kurt Cobains, and their lack of finesse on their instruments proved to be inspiration to many young misfits, despite virtually no commercial success. That's something Metallica can't claim.

The Stooges have been eligible for induction since 1994, 25 years after their debut album (that's the rule). They should have been inducted then. Let's see who was inducted in 1994:

-The Animals
-The Band
-Elton John
-Duane Eddy
-Grateful Dead
-Rod Stewart
-John Lennon (as a solo artist)
-Bob Marley

OK, what the fuck is Rod Stewart doing in there? The majority of his career was spent crooning Top 40 Adult Contemporary hits. And did they really feel the need to induct the Grateful Dead then, too? Fuck the Dead. All they did was inspire the wave of bad jam bands that people follow like sheep all the time and do lots of drugs (Dave Matthews Band, Phish, etc.). Musically, they had nothing to offer, except turning a 3-minute song into a 35-minute wankfest. They were the representation of all the bad things about the hippie movement; overindulgence, wanking, and cult-like behavior. I would've inducted the Stooges over the Band, too. I don't give a fuck if they were Bob Dylan's backing band, they were boring as hell. Every year since then, the Stooges ahev been passed up for induction, even if Madonna had asked the Stooges to play 2 of her songs at her induction last year (which, in a way, was pretty cool).



The Stooges tearing through "Burning Up" & "Ray of Light."

And don't even get me started on last year's joke of a ceremony. Madonna? John Mellencamp? I'm surprised Huey Lewis didn't get inducted. I'm also sure that because Madonna got inducted, there will be a Britney Spears induction around 2025, I reckon.

Here's a small list of bands I think should be in there and their year of supposed eligibility:
MC5 (1993)
Rush (1999)
New York Dolls (1998)
Tom Waits (1998)
Minutemen (2005)
Husker Du (2007)
Can (1994)
Kraftwerk (1996)
Television (2002)
Skip James (1986)
Nick Drake (1994)

Though, it'll most likely be freezing in hell (as it is here) before that happens.

100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs: 40-21

It's almost over... thank God. Don't worry, there's a reason for this. And some videos for your amusement.



40. Talk Dirty to Me-Poison: Completely throwing a bone at Bret Michaels, since he hosted this show and he earns VH1 plenty of viewers by boning skanks on the Rock of Love.

39. More Than a Feeling-Boston: I wouldn’t consider this a hard rock song. It’s not hard. I don’t care how many guitar tracks Tom Scholz created for it. This song kind of has a new element of sadness to it since their singer turned out to be a pretty unhappy guy, who took his own life a couple years back.

38. Stone Cold Crazy-Queen: Love this song. Queen proved that they had as much balls as Zeppelin or Sabbath with this song. Classic.





37. My Generation-The Who: I think the Who is the most overrated band ever, other than the Eagles. With that said, their earlier stuff was pretty fucking good, and the line “Hope I die before I get old” signaled a new guard in rock music, and stripped rock of its innocence, along with Bob Dylan and the Beatles experimenting with music (and drugs).

36. Hot for Teacher-Van Halen: I’ve been on an “anti-Van Halen” kick, since they reunited w/ David Lee Roth and giving their longtime bassist, Michael Anthony, the boot. Eddie Van Halen is an arrogant piece of shit, and overrated. However, this song kicks ass, and I still crank it every now and then, as it’s one of their radio workhorses that I’m not entirely sick of. And what school did David Lee Roth go to that had all these ‘hot’ teachers? I’ve never been “hot for teacher” I think ever.



35. School's Out-Alice Cooper: Alice Cooper deserves to be on any hard rock list. My pick would have been “I’m Eighteen.”

34. Barracuda-Heart: Another one of those bands that my dad listened to 24/7 that I never want to hear again. This song’s one of the few songs by Heart I can stomach, probably because it rocks.

33. Basket Case-Green Day: Besides Nirvana, Green Day was my band from when I was 9 or 10. They suck now, but I enjoy spinnin’ Dookie every now & then.

32. Cat Scratch Fever-Ted Nugent: Say what you want about the Nuge; right-wing loudmouth, sexist, asshole, pro-NRA, anti-even drinking a beer every now & again (but bone underage chicks and have a few baby mamas across the planet; that‘s fine). Indeed he is. But I can’t help but like “Cat Scratch Fever.” The only decent riff the Nuge squirted out, amongst gallons of semen on underage groupies.

31. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap-AC/DC: I think “TNT” or “Highway To Hell” would have represented the Bon Scott years better than this song, but this song ain’t bad either.

30. Even Flow-Pearl Jam: Ya know, I just don’t like Pearl Jam too much anymore. And, they have better songs than “Even Flow.”

29. Bad Reputation-Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: No arguments against this song. Joan Jett has more attitude than most dudes on this list. Plus, she’s sexy as hell.

28. Everlong-Foo Fighters: Dave Grohl proved his worth as a songwriter with “Everlong.” I often say that this was one of the few things that made the end of Nirvana kind of worth it. I always loved the riff.

27. Still of the Night-Whitesnake: HA! Whitesnake. What a fuckin’ joke.

26. Freebird-Lynyrd Skynyrd: If hating Lynyrd Skynyrd and “Freebird” is considered “un-American” (as one blogger wrote), then I’m on board with al-Qaeda.

25. Blitzkrieg Bop-Ramones: Should be way higher, for most of the band that came after the Ramones (and bands on this list) would not exist. I fucking LOVE the Ramones, and still can’t believe that 3 of Da Brudders are gone. Sad story behind the band too.



24. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida-Iron Butterfly: Great riff, but did the song REALLY need to be 17 minutes long?

23. Crazy Train-Ozzy Osbourne: After he left Black Sabbath, I don’t really care about Ozzy…. Except for this song, and maybe 3 or 4 others. Even then, Sabbath stopped making good records after 1974.

22. Hey Joe-Jimi Hendrix Experience: OK, why isn’t this song in the Top 10? And why “Hey Joe?” Why not “Purple Haze?” People are stupid. Not that I’m slamming “Hey Joe.”

21. Kashmir-Led Zeppelin: Zeppelin’s crowning achievement, in my honest opinion. This song is fucking fantastic, and should be higher than #21 (especially since the song that came at #20 flat out blows and is unworthy in the face of “Kashmir”)

Top 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs (60-41)

Yes, I'm slacking. But it has been a pretty hectic week. Part 3 of my commentary on a stupid list (Why am I even doing this? Boredom and underemployment, I guess. And to exemplify my music snobbery). I'm including some videos here for sheer entertainment value, and because I can. Thanks, YouTube!

Here we go:

60. 18 and Life-Skid Row: I think this is on the list to throw a bone at Sebastian Bach, since the only publicity (or work) he probably gets is on these VH1 shows.

59. The Stroke-Billy Squier: “Stroke me, stroke me!” I’ll pass. Go dance around in a pink tank top.



58. Interstate Love Song-Stone Temple Pilots: Definitely one of their best songs, even if I don’t really give a shit about STP anymore.

57. You Really Got Me-The Kinks: They should be higher. They were definitely the best band of the British Invasion, and were definitely responsible for the creation of hard rock. I’d put “All Day and All of the Night” in my Top 10.

56. Cherry Pie-Warrant: SHE’S MY CHERRY PIE! TOO BAD I DON’T LIKE THESE GUYS! THESE GUYS ARE So UNMETAL IT MAKES ME CRY! SWEET CHERRY PIE!

55. Don't Fear the Reaper-Blue Oyster Cult: Should be higher. This song is just fantastic.

54. Epic-Faith No More: I never really got Faith No More. Supposedly Mike Patton is metal’s version of Frank Zappa, but I find him kind of pretentious. This song is good though, and so is “Falling To Pieces.”

53. Born to Be Wild-Steppenwolf: The penultimate biker anthem. My dad is obsessed with Steppenwolf, so if I never heard this song again, it’d be too soon.

52. Cherry Bomb-The Runaways: Launched the careers of Joan Jett and Lita Ford, and showed that all-girl bands could party with the boys.

51. Peace Sells-Megadeth: Pretty fuckin’ good song. If I compiled a list of best hard rock songs, my Megadeth pick would be reserved for “Holy Wars.”

50. Give It Away-Red Hot Chili Peppers: Not big on the Chili Peppers. Maybe if I didn’t hear this song all the time, I’d have more positive things to say about it.

49. Search and Destroy-The Stooges: You will all bow down to the Stooges! Iggy Pop, at the ripe old age of 61, has more energy and charisma than people half his age. If you want heavy, listen to the original David Bowie-produced fuzzfest mix of Raw Power! It’ll knock the metal spikes off of Iron Maiden! RIP, Ron.



48. Freak on a Leash-KoRn: The 7th grade me loved KoRn. The 23 year old me finds them KoRny.

47. Bawidabata-Kid Rock: Get me the puke bucket! This spent piece of white trash ranked higher than The Stooges? Ohhhh no! This list is officially retarded!

46. Madhouse-Anthrax: Out of the 4 thrash metal bands to really make it (Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, Megadeth), I never really got into Anthrax. But I respect ‘em. BTW, how come there are NO Slayer songs on this list? Pussies.

45. Slow Ride-Foghat: SLOW RIDE! TAKE IT EASY! This song will always make me think of that scene in Dazed & Confused where that chick is rolling up a joint, blasting this song on headphones (parodied on Family Guy, with the Evil Monkey rolling up a joint and crankin’ up the Foghat!).

44. Sunshine of Your Love-Cream: Should be higher, because Cream were one of the first archetypes of hard rock, along with the Who, the Kinks, and Hendrix.

43. Holy Diver-Dio: I hate admitting this, but I like this song! I’ve come to appreciate Ronnie James Dio a little bit in my old(er) age. Even the cheesy keyboard in “Rainbow in the Dark.”

42. Should I Stay or Should I Go-The Clash: Not my top pick for the Clash at all. Such a great band, though. I’m still pissed as hell that Joe Strummer died, and there was talk of a Clash reunion around that time. Anyway, as for Clash songs that could’ve made this list: “Rock the Casbah,” “London Calling,” “White Riot,” “Clash City Rockers,” “Clampdown.” (see video below)



41. Cum on Feel the Noize-Quiet Riot: I think Quiet Riot gets credit for being the first metal band to top the Billboard charts, but musically they had nothing to offer. Never mind the fact that 2 out of 3 songs I know from them were Slade covers.

100 Greatest Rock Songs (80-61)

80. Any Way You Want It-Journey: Journey + hard rock = No solution (I wish I knew of a way to create the zero with the line crossing it out like they do in algebra class when a problem had no solution).

79. Rebel Yell-Billy Idol: The snarler! I would have picked “White Wedding” myself.

78. Feel Like Makin' Love-Bad Company: This song deserves to be on the list, even if I’m not too fond of it. Why the hell not?

77. Black Hole Sun-Soundgarden: “Black Hole Sun” this low on the countdown? This song would be in my Top 20.

76. Kiss Me Deadly-Lita Ford: Lita Ford had attitude, but this song was too glossy; as glossy as a 8x10 black & white wedding photo.

75. Seven Nation Army-White Stripes: I’m not sure if the White Stripes would be considered ‘hard rock’ but I guess they are in a lot of ways. A lot of their songs have pulsating beats, ballsy riffs, and a ton of passion, and send me off in a frenzy. Try to get me not to thrash around when “Fell In love With a Girl” or “Black Math” come on.

74. Love Removal Machine-The Cult: Never really got into The Cult.

73. Jailbreak-Thin Lizzy: I like a few Thin Lizzy songs. I love the riff in this song.

72. Heartbreaker-Pat Benatar: A classically-trained operatic female singer, who was about 5’1 and 98 pounds who sang “Love is a Battlefield.” Turns out, she was capable of churning out a song that flat out rocked.

71. Mountain Song-Jane's Addiction: I don’t love Jane’s Addiction, but I appreciate that they were one of the few pre-Nirvana alternative bands that somewhat broke through. This song is awesome, though.

70. Hot Blooded-Foreigner: I dunno man. I think “I Wanna Know What Love Is” eclipsed anything “hard rock” about Foreigner. Even then, I wouldn’t consider Foreigner a hard rock band anyway.

69. Cult of Personality-Living Colour: Back in 1988, an all-black metal band showed whitey how it was done! I always loved the guitar solo.

68. More Human Than Human-White Zombie: This song is in every other movie or commercial, so this song certainly has had an impact, even if I find Rob Zombie to be pretty silly.

67. Tush-ZZ Top: Not big on ZZ Top. But I guess they earned a spot on this list. Those beards!

66. The Final Countdown-Europe: OK, now this is just sad. A few years back, VH1 ranked this song as the Most Awesomely Bad Metal Song Ever, as well as naming it one of the "Least Metal Moments." Just for that, this song should be disqualified from even being a nominee for this list, even if this list ranks "hard rock" songs. That, and this song just flat out blows. The singer looks like Kylie Minogue ferchrissakes!

65. Kick Out the Jams-MC5: Now we’re talking! They were punk before punk. They were metal before metal. They were MC before MC Hammer (an actual quote from the late Rob Tyner). Who else in 1968 started off a song with “Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!”?

64. Liar-Rollins Band: Gotta love Henry Rollins. I’m not big on the Rollins Band, but he is a great writer and orator. And I love Black Flag. I’d put “Rise Above” or “Six Pack” on my list of best hard rock songs.

63. Eye of the Tiger-Survivor: Immediate disqualification because of its association with Sylvester Stallone.

62. Breaking the Chains-Dokken: You’ll never catch me rockin’ to Dokken.

61. Round and Round-RATT: Not too big on “RATT & roll” either. Enough with the 80s hair metal, already! The metal on those bands’ Aqua Net bottles were more metal than them!

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!?!?!?

Indeed, another great musician has left this earth. Ron Asheton of the Stooges was found dead in his Michigan home. Age 60. One of the most influential (and underrated) guitarists in history. I was going through a major Stooges kick too, recently.

Well, this blows. My girlfriend and I had a chance to see The Stooges 2 years ago in New York, but were strapped for dough at the time, and missed out, thinking 'Oh yeah, they'll definitely be back.' I dunno what the future for the Stooges looks like now with Ron's passing. This blows. WHY CAN'T A GUY IN A BAD BAND DIE FOR ONCE?

RIP, Ron.

The 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs (100-81) (Yeah right...)

As promised, I am posting the first 20 songs on VH1's mostly pathetic list of the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs, hosted by a guy who just DEFINES hard rock. Ozzy? Lemmy? Rob Halford? Angus Young from AC/DC? Nope. Bret Michaels of Poison! Probably to promote the upcoming season of Rock of Love. Hasn't this guy banged enough sluts in the course of 20+ years? Anyway, this list was determined by viewers, as opposed to critics and musicians, so this pretty much explains why some horrible songs are on this list. The first hour (the first 20 songs) were definitely the worst of the bunch. Read on.

100. I Can't Drive 55 - Sammy Hagar: Sammy Hagar pre-Van Halen… I suppose it’s a decent song, but I have a hard time considering Sammy Hagar “hard rock,” due to him adding ballads to Van Halen’s list of “accomplishments.”

99. We're an American Band- Grand Funk Railroad: Grand Funk Railroad is hard rock? Well, OK.

98. Lit Up- Buckcherry: I never understood Buckcherry’s appeal when they first came out when I was like 14, perhaps cuz I was too angry to listen to a band that sounded like a newer Black Crowes. Now, 10 years later I heard this song again, and realized why I didn’t like them; because they were mediocre, as were the Black Crowes.

97. Frankenstein - Edgar Winter: That riff is pretty hard rock! But not one of my favorite songs by a long shot.

96. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas: Ah, no. Kansas is about as hard rock as a stuffed koala bear.

95. Higher - Creed: The day I consider Creed a hard rock band is the day I consider George W. Bush to be a good president. Seriously. These pseudo-spiritual Pearl Jam rip-offs are by far one of the top 3 worst things to happen to music in the past 15 years. And did you see Scott Stapp’s new style? He went from looking like a grunge-era reject to looking like an American Idol reject. Asshole.

94. I Believe In a Thing Called Love - The Darkness: Never took this song seriously, probably because Justin Hawkins’ vocals made Barry Gibb sound like Barry White, but I suppose it was a throwback to all those emo bands who took themselves too seriously.

93. Turn Up the Radio - Autograph: Don’t care about this song enough. Your typical 80s rock song.

92. Don't Tell Me You Love Me - Night Ranger: Don’t tell me that Night Ranger is a hard rock band.

91. Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins: Definitely one of their heaviest moments. “Despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage.” Defines rage to a T.

90. Aqualung - Jethro Tull: Art rock w/ flutes… normally, not very “hard rock,” but believe it or not the Aqualung album had some pretty heavy moments.

89. Party Hard - Andrew W.K.: I always thought this guy was a colossal joke. Some things should stay in 2001, much like how hair metal should have stayed in 1988.

88. Would? - Alice In Chains: I’m surprised they picked “Would?” I thought “Man In The Box” would be a shoe-in, but I’m not complaining. “Would?” is one of Alice In Chain’s best songs, one of their most poignant, and only got sadder with Layne Staley’s death. I find it hard to sit through an Alice In Chains record, though.

87. Seventeen - Winger: Oh sure, this is hard rock… Lars Ulrich made that Kip Winger dartboard because Metallica was envious on how rockin’ Winger was compared to them!

86. The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson: Marilyn Manson is a joke now, but this song (and the Antichrist Superstar album) didn’t fuck around. Ah, memories.

85. Slither - Velvet Revolver: Good song. But, like Audioslave, VR was more of a case of curiosity to see how members of 2 different bands of two different types could work together.

84. I Wanna Be Somebody - W.A.S.P.: Not into WASP. Kiudos to them for pissing off Tipper Gore, though. I wonder how Tipper Gore found out about “Fuck Like a Beast,” though… or “Golden Showers” by the Mentors, as opposed to more obvious mainstream targets, such as Prince and Twisted Sister…

83. Bring Me to Life - Evanescence: No disrespect, but Evanescence isn’t really hard rock. Amy Lee has a good voice, but she sings like the same 5 notes in every song.

82. Since You've Been Gone - Rainbow: Why not “Stargazer?” Or “Man on the Silver Mountain?” Or any song with Ronnie James Dio upfront? Nope. The voters have spoken, and decided they like their Rainbow songs to be early 80s cheesy and sung by a guy who was pretty much hard rock’s version of the guy from Mr. Mister.

81. Heaven and Hell - Black Sabbath: Well, here’s Dio now, speak of the devil… To me though, Sabbath will always be the original line-up with Ozzy.

Next up are the songs from 80-61. Stay tuned.

New Year, New Approach

I rung in the new year tipsy and sad. Not a good way to start the last year of the trainwreck called the 2000s. I can't say life has been at all stable the last few months or so. The job market's dim, the economy sucks, Israel & Hamas are fighting each other to holy hell, and now I'm fighting a cold. But why should I let it continually get me down? Why should my mind be a never ending tidal wave of bad thoughts and negative emotions?

I'm just glad that the holidays are over. The holidays put everything on pause, and don't tell me it doesn't! People go off their diets, employers put off hiring people, and people hold off on changing their lives for the cliched New Years Resolution. Including me.

But this year, things are gonna be different. They better be. I've learned to fight through how exhausted and depressed I get to just move forward and get things I need to get done. I've learned to save money better than I have been the past few years. I've learned that as a person I'm OK, and I'm 18 credits shy of a Bachelor's Degree. I've learned that I'm capable of kicking ass, and that beating myself up all the time just doesn't get anywhere.

There will be a lot more entries in this blog. There will be a lot more money in my bank account. There will be nothing but positive things this year, goddammit!

My friend Joe is leaving for Iraq in a couple of days. He's in the Air Force. Thankfully, he won't be in a combat zone, but I'm still worried about his safety. It's still so goddamn unstable over there (although, last month, casualties there were at an all-time low since the war started). Tonight's his last hurrah here. My friends and I are going to a steakhouse. It'll be fun but bittersweet. He is letting me housesit his Playstation 3 for 5 months, so I guess that's one positive. I'll miss him though. We got to be pretty close over the past year or so.

So, yeah, I'm gonna start the new year off by commenting on VH1's mostly pathetic list of the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs they had on the past week. Those list shows used to be pretty good, but now they let fans vote, and most music fans I think are 5/8's retarded. I mean, how else can you explain Britney Spears' latest musical abortions outselling pretty much everything else out there? Anyway, I'll get to work on that within the next day or so. I'll also be looking for more online freelancing jobs and a normal shit job to keep the $$$ rolling in... sort of.